


Against Type

by Lynds



Category: Beauty and the Beast (1991), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, BAMF Belle, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Do not try to solve your problems like this, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grooming, Hurt/Comfort, Illegal immigrant character, Loki Angst, Loki Feels, Loki Has Issues, Loki Needs a Hug, Loki needs years of therapy, On the Run, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Past Drug Use, Past Suicide Attempt, Protective Steve Rogers, Rare Pairings, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Suicidal Thoughts, no Stockholm Syndrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-08-27 03:30:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 33,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8385493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynds/pseuds/Lynds
Summary: When Loki lands in front of Belle, beaten and broken, she thinks she's just found another person to look after. Instead the catalysts are laid for the two of them to change their story and no longer be what they're expected to be.





	1. The Great Gatsby

It was getting a bit too dark for her to read as she walked home along the canal path, and she considered pulling the Great Gatsby up on her Kindle app instead. She squinted at the writing, but her eyes defocused. She was pretty sure Gatsby was calling someone Old Sport again, but that could have just been an educated guess. She gave up and shoved the thin volume into an oversized pocket of her favourite cargo pants and blinked as her eyes adjusted to distance again. She decided against getting her phone out - it was her second re-read and she knew she was getting to Daisy’s betrayal. Walking home in tears would just be embarrassing. 

Which is why, when the filthy, black haired boy fell into her path, she caught him instead of falling over him.

“Woah, hey there. Bit early for being that drunk, aren't you? Oh, shit.”

His soaking wet hair fell back from his face as she lowered him onto the pavement. She assumed he was white somewhere under the blood and bruising, but right now he could have been blue for all the evidence she had. Blood was dripping steadily out the corner of his mouth and his breath bubbled. His right hand was swollen and seemed to be twisted. 

“Oh shit oh shit oh shit.” Belle’s hands fumbled with her phone and left slippery red prints on the screen as she dialled the emergency number and spoke to the dispatcher. A detached voice in her head wondered how she’d got covered in his blood already, and why she was shaking when she felt fine in here, not hysterical at all.

He groaned and his eyes flickered open, and the weird, calm voice disappeared, dropping her back into the flapping, whirling panic of the rest of her mind. “Stay still, an ambulance is on its way, please don't —“

His eyes slammed open and he struggled up in panic. “Ambulance? No, no please, don’t, they’ll find me, they’ll — aah!”

She caught him round the chest again, shuddering when she felt bones creak. “You have to go to hospital, man, you’re…you’re broken.”

He panted and a spray of blood spattered black onto the pavement. “I can’t let them…they’ll find me…please…”

The sirens grew louder and soon blue lights flickered off concrete. Belle put her phone back in her pocket, mumbling thanks to the dispatcher. The broken boy clutched her t-shirt with his left hand, every breath sputtering ‘please’ or blood. She wrapped one arm under him. “Just play along, OK?”

He wouldn’t let her go, not even when the paramedics asked her to move. When they tried to untangle his fingers from her shirt he made a panicked whimper that turned into a bloody coughing fit, so they moved her round to support his head while they immobilised him.

“He’s my brother,” said Belle, so they let her in the ambulance, her hand replacing the blood soaked t-shirt in his grasp. “He’s been missing for days,” she sobbed, the tale coming in a rush. “There’s no-one else, just us,” and the nurse rubbed her arm outside surgery where they’d dragged his fingers from hers. She gave their names as Nik and Jay Fitzgerald, gave a fake address, a house three streets away that she knew was deserted. She thought of Gatsby’s funeral and with the tears came layers of the ‘sibling’s’ lives. She gave his birthday (same day as her father), their age (just old enough to be left alone) and enough tragedy that they let her sit by his bedside as soon as he was out of surgery. After all, they understood the poor girl’s guilt, when her beloved brother had run off after an argument with her.

***

Loki swam up through the haze of pain meds and sedatives, and immediately wished he hadn’t.

“Oh, hey, you’re awake. They said you could have ice chips if you want?”

He nodded and tried to focus. Brown hair falling out of a ponytail, white t-shirt, and warm hands supporting his head and holding a plastic cup to his lips.

“I’m so glad you’re OK.” She leant forward and her voice dropped as she kissed his cheek. “I’m Nik, you’re my brother Jay, OK?” She sat back down and he blinked to finally focus on rich, brown eyes that felt like an embrace.

“Why are you doing this?” he croaked.

“You said please.”

“Doesn’t sound like me.”   
She smiled, and a dimple appeared for a moment. _Come back_ , he thought. Then he knew he had to get the hell away.

“Want to get out of here?”

“What?” Had she read his mind?

“The longer we stay here, the more likely they are to catch the lies. I’ll take you back to my place, you can stay as long as you need.”

“What? No!” Loki raised himself one-handed off the bed, squeezing his eyes shut against the stabbing pains all over his body. “Just help me get out of this place, I’ll make my way home.” Or somewhere as far away from home as possible.

“Oh, sure you will. Where 'they' can find you? Don’t be daft, it’s already decided.”

“I can’t put you in that position. You’ve done more than enough.”

“Don’t fight this, _brother_ , you’re coming home with me.” 

His eyes flashed anger at her calling him brother. “I don’t need your help. I’m fine.”  
 She caught him as he swayed. It really didn’t help his case. “Sure, Jay, and I’m the Great Gatsby. C’mon, let’s get you dressed.”

The doctors tried to convince them to stay, but couldn’t stop them leaving. Belle led them to a waiting taxi and counted coins out of a little purse, biting her lip when traffic slowed them down.

“How long was I in there?”

“Three days. They had you in an artificial coma for 24 hours after your surgery.” She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. “Do you remember…anything?”

He closed his eyes. As next of kin he wondered how much they’d told her. If they’d just left it to the obvious ‘he’s taken quite a beating’, or if they’d sat her down with a social worker, maybe even a copper. ‘Your brother is showing signs consistent with violent sexual assault. Do you know anything about his…preferences? Might he have brought this on himself?’

“Hey, hey, it’s OK, you don’t have to tell me…look, open your eyes, OK? Look at me. Take a deep breath - not too deep! Just slow it down…uh, what’s your real name? I don’t want to call you Jay all the time. He had a sad ending.”

He struggled to pull his breathing back into a normal rhythm, in through the nose and out between clenched teeth.

“There you go, you’re OK. What’s your name?” She asked again, and he turned his head to ground himself into those brown eyes. He thought about lying, Jay’s as good a name as any, but his lips betrayed him as he was considering it. 

“Loki.”

“Nice name. I’m Belle.” She looked up and directed the taxi driver to an alley by a dingy Victorian terrace. “This is us.”

Part of him fought the whole way into the house, even as he leaned on her surprisingly strong shoulders and climbed the stairs, so many stairs, to her room. He could taste blood in his breath by the time she lay him back on the pillows under a sloping ceiling, a skylight showing the early stars. He swallowed his pills and tried to respond appropriately when she told him she’d be sharing the bed and not to get any ideas. He might have laughed at that, or it might have been her.

 

He recognised the nightmare as soon as it started. It couldn’t possibly be real, this had already happened once, and the world had always been much more inventive in its cruelty. Not that it made it any easier to live through again. They still kicked as hard. Still burned with their cigarettes, and when he fought, they still broke his wrist, laughing. There were still two holding him down, and they still took turns tearing him apart. He still screamed. His bravado and insults had turned to begging shamefully quick.

The music was new, though. It startled him, and it startled the shadows and the pain and the panic too, and as soon as they loosened their grip, he pulled away and ran towards the music, and gasped, and woke.

There were warm arms around his neck and over his chest. She sang about home, and escaping somewhere safe, and when she finished, she sang them all again even though she must have felt his tears and been disgusted by his weakness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we go...I'm going to try and get these chapters up relatively quickly, at least once a week. The whole story's written out in my notebook, I just have to transcribe and edit it, but I'm doing NaNoWriMo, so that might delay me a wee bit. I hope you like it! It's un-beta'ed so please let me know where I've screwed up and if you might be willing to beta for me! Thank you ^_^


	2. If

It really wasn’t that big of a change for Belle. She sat in her old bean bag, leaned up against the bedside table, and read. She went out when he’d first taken painkillers and was back with new groceries or new books before he woke, just like Dad when he got in one of his states. She dropped home during her breaks and lunch hours to check on him, again, just like she did with Dad. She helped him to the bathroom for the first day or so, but unlike Dad he was quick to re-assert his independence. She cooked, and ate in her room like she always did when Dad was off who-knows-where. Only this time there were two bowls, and she read aloud. She helped him wash and comb his long black hair, and rolled her eyes when he snapped that he could manage everything else. She held him as he sobbed through the nightmares, singing, or reciting Rudyard Kipling’s ‘If’ from memory to ground him through the desperate whimpers and gasping breaths of each panic attack. Each afternoon he’d ask about work, or request particular books, or argue that Romeo and Juliet was Shakespeare spoofing on popular angsty romance of the time, or that ‘Hour’ by Carol Ann Duffy was about a prostitute.

She was afraid that as soon as he could move around a bit better he’d be gone, and she’d go back to being the weirdo who memorised poems and sobbed at books the way other girls did at movies, or who thought DH Lawrence wrote sexier books than EL James. Every time she opened the door her heart sank in preparation, and then jumped back up when he limped down stairs or made some sarky comment about her inability to put things in a sensible place before always, always asking what she had from the library today.

***

Loki knew it was about time for him to leave. He was walking around easier, the bruises were yellow-green rather than purple and the longer he stayed in one place the worse it would get. He looked at the thin strip of sky out the kitchen window and nodded hello to Belle’s father as he picked up the packed lunch Belle had made for him before stumbling off to work.

“What do you think about getting out some time today?”

Loki blinked, surprised for a moment. But of course she’d be wanting him out of her house by now, he’d long outstayed his welcome. He finished his weetabix, which tasted more of cardboard than usual, but now he didn’t know when he’d get his next meal. Maybe he’d get a chance to steal some cheese before he left.

“Um, sure, I’ll be ready to head off in about half an hour, if that’s OK? Do you mind if I keep the clothes, by the way?”

“What?” Belle blinked at him, then her eyes widened. “Oh my fucking God, Loki, do you think I’m throwing you out?” She looked mortified. “I was thinking you might want to go to the library, get a bit of fresh air, my GOD you _were_ thinking that!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Loki held up his hand to calm her down, and felt his face flaming as red as hers. “You’ve just done so much for me already, I’m completely fine, I just thought…I can’t impose on your hospitality any more.”

“Yes you bloody can. I’m officially holding you prisoner until your cast is off at the absolute minimum. Loki…you won’t run off without saying goodbye or anything, will you?”

He swallowed. “Umm, OK.”

“You would have, though, wouldn’t you?”

“It would probably have been easier…”

“On _whom_?!”

“Well, it would have meant you wouldn’t feel obliged to try to convince me to stay, a valid consideration judging by your reaction right now.”

She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Boy, you’re an idiot. You realise you’re not actually that much of a burden, right? And I enjoy your company. Nobody talks to me about books the way you do, you have no idea how good it is to not have to pretend I’m normal all the time!”

“Oh, don’t I?”

She laughed and nudged him on the leg. “Like you’ve ever even pretended to be normal.” He was relieved when she went back to her muesli and he was able to get his expressions under control. The anger and hurt and fear swirled behind his mask as he finished his breakfast and washed his bowl out, one handed. _It’s different, she’s not like them, she doesn’t want you to be normal. Who are you kidding, you’re a freak, she just hasn’t found the part of you she hates yet. She’ll get there. Everyone does. Freakfreakfreakf_

“Loki?”

He jumped and turned the water off. “Ready to go?”

Belle narrowed her eyes at him. “Yeah, if you are.”

 

Belle’s town was small and a bit of a mixture of ubiquitous high street stores, quite a few of them closed in the recession, and boutiques that all seemed to sell the same overpriced tat. It was good to be outside, but Loki was quietly glad it was bright daylight, different enough from the last time he’d walked these streets that he could dial the panic back to hyper vigilance. He thought he was controlling it pretty well, Belle’s arm crooked round his cast, but when a group of twenty-something guys bumped into him crossing the road, he flinched and almost snarled. Belle squeaked, her arm trapped between the hard cast and his ribs, and he immediately released her, eyes wide. Guilt overwhelmed the panic at first, then made it rise further, and he was drowning again, couldn’t get up to the surface and control it…

“If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you. If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you…” Belle had moved to his other arm and was stroking his clenched fist, pulling him forward so they didn’t look like two freaks frozen in the middle of the pedestrian crossing. Her soft voice carried just to his ears, and she looked like she was having a simple conversation. “If you can bear to hear the words you’ve spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, or see the things you gave your life to, broken, and stoop and build ‘em up with worn out tools.” He moved his feet more deliberately, pulled air deeper into his lungs and held it for a moment before releasing it, again and again. “If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew to serve your turn long after they are gone, and so hold on when there is nothing in you except the will that says to them…”

“Hold on,” he whispered. She smiled at him, and that dimple was back. He couldn’t stop looking into her brown eyes, so warm they might burn him, burn him all away until the monster was gone and the ashes could be blown away in the wind. She finished the poem and he smiled back at her, squeezing her fingers which had moved down to his hand and were linked with his. “Thank you.”

“Any time.”

 

They were still sitting against one of the shelves in the library long after their stomachs had started growling for lunch. Belle had opened Neverwhere about ten minutes after they’d arrived and was now almost half way through. Loki had spent a bit longer browsing, and had come back to sit next to her with Behind the Scenes at the Museum. They’d read through the changing shadows and forest of feet, moving slightly every time someone needed to reach behind them for a book, and though there were comfy looking chairs a few feet away, neither wanted to take the moment away from the story to get there

“Scuse me, you two?”

They both looked up guiltily.

“We’re about to close up, you want to borrow those today?”

“Wow, is it that time already?”

“Yep, early close on Monday, Belle.”

“Why am I not surprised the librarians all know you by name?”

She winked at him and jumped up to follow the young man, leaving him to haul himself up and groan in privacy. Belle borrowed both books on her library card and fished Devil Devil out of her bag to return. “You ever read Neverwhere?”

“Long time ago, I can’t remember most of it. Where have you got to?”

“They’ve just arrived at Earl’s court.”

“I vaguely remember that bit.” 

She looked a bit awkward. “You probably won’t want me to read to you any more. Now you’ve got your own book.”

“We could take turns. Reading to each other. If you want - I know what a pain it is to get interrupted, but…I like your voice. I mean…”

“I’d really like that!” She looked excited, which took him by surprise. “Uh…my dad used to…before…” She squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her face. “He used to read to my mum every now and then, when he was having a good day. They didn’t used to read to me, not after I got so fast at reading to myself, maybe they thought it would be too slow for me. But I used to sneak downstairs to listen to them. I don’t know why I didn't just ask them to read to me. I don’t even think my mum particularly liked him reading to her, but every now and then he’d really love a particular passage and once he got started reading aloud he didn’t seem to stop. Obviously it’s been ages since he did that, but I bet I’d love hearing you read to me…” She was flushed bright red. “Wow, this is coming out creepier than even I expected. I just…you’ve got a nice voice…oh my God, stop me talking please!”

Loki laughed out loud, not his usual amused snort, but a proper laugh that took both of them by surprise, and made Loki blush as red as Belle.

“Come on, let’s get lunch, and you can read to the weirdo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So all the chapter titles are book titles except this one. Most of the titles are a bit obscurely linked, mostly by how the books made me feel when I read them, but some of the books are (or in this case the poem is) referenced in the text. Thank you for reading!


	3. Around the World in Eighty Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based on Belle's movie storyline, but with a bit of a twist. I've got a concrete number of chapters now, too, it's all written up and ready to go so I'll be updating pretty regularly. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what works and what doesn't! Thank you :)

And it had looked like being such a a _nice_ day, she thought, as she retrieved poor old Jules Verne from a puddle and wiped the mud off on her jeans. Gaston was still gobbing about some football game he was playing and how she just _had_ to come and cheer him on. _Well_ , she thought, _at least it’s not a library book._ Which mean he’d dog-eared her own copy of Around the World in Eighty Days, and she wasn’t sure if that was worse. She’d only just spotted it in the Age Concern shop and couldn’t wait to get it home to Loki, and then bloody Gaston popped up…and who actually chucks a book over their shoulder like that and expects to still have her attention?

“What do you say, Belle, you know you want to.”

“Yeah, maybe some other time, Gaston. ‘Scuse me.”

“You know I’ll be more fun than that emo faggot you were hanging around with the other day.”

“Fuck you, Gaston,” she said, hot fury burning out any eloquent answer.

“Any time, love, any time.”

Her face was blazing now, and she marched across the road to her house, slamming the door behind her with her heel. Almost immediately the book disappeared from her arms again, and she realised she’d been cradling it like a hurt child. Loki had his nose in it already.

“What have you got today? Ooh, I love this one, I once counted down the last three months of term with this book. I pretended I was wherever Phileas Fogg and Passepartout were each day instead of getting my head shoved into a toilet…it’s wet. Why is the book wet, Belle?”  
 She glared at him and snatched her book back. “I swear, if another boy takes my book from me I will…eviscerate them.”

Loki blinked as she stomped past him into the kitchen and laid the book on the clothes horse by the radiator. “Sorry, Belle. Are you OK?”

She sighed and rubbed her face, forcing a smile. “Yeah, sorry. I’m not mad at you, really. I ran into Gaston in town, and he was a dick.”

Loki snorted. “With a name like Gaston you’d have to be a dick.”

“You’re one to take the piss out of names, honestly.” He grinned at her and turned on the kettle. “Has my dad got home yet?”

“Not that I’ve seen, but I’ve been upstairs all day.”

Belle thought for a moment and counted days off on her fingers. “Bugger. He’s probably due another bender already. And it was shaping up to be _such_ a nice day.”

“Anything I can do?” 

Belle blinked at Loki. He was usually so sarcastic, almost arrogant, when he wasn’t debilitated by nightmares. To hear him hesitate over the offer like she was going to tear strips off him was disconcerting, and she felt guilty for yelling at him over the book. “I don’t think there’s anything you can do. I just have to wait for the phone call and go bail him out. Again.” She rubbed her face again and hoped he wouldn’t owe more than a hundred quid this time, but she forced a smile on her face. “What do you fancy for dinner? Pasta?”

He was looking at her strangely, his green eyes wide.

“What?”

“You don't have to do that, you know.”

“Do what?”

“Pretend that it’s all OK. you can be pissed off if you like.”

She stared at him for a moment. A flicker of what looked a lot like fear passed across his face before he hardened his eyes again. “You do that, you know,” he continued. “You pretend like it’s OK when you want to scream at the world.”

She forced a laugh. “Well, you know. That kind of thing never got anyone anywhere.”

“Neither does pretending you’re OK when you’re not.”

“You can talk.”

He nodded, but didn’t say anything else, and walked quietly out of the room. Belle squeezed her eyes shut and cursed herself. Right on cue, her phone rang.

***

Loki jumped up from the sofa the moment he heard the door shut. Belle had rushed off in a taxi three hours ago, and if he hadn’t been upstairs sulking like a pathetic child when she rushed out, he would have been with her instead of biting his nails until they bled.

“Belle? Everything OK?”

It wasn’t her. Her dad was standing in the hallway, swaying.

“Where’s Belle? She went looking for you.”

“He kept her.” The old man shook his head, and kept on shaking it and swaying until Loki grabbed his arms hard.

“Who did was? Maurice, look at me. Where is Belle?”

“Adam. He kept her. She said she’d take my place, and he kept her there. I couldn’t —“

“And you fucking LET her? You let your daughter take your place? What…what…where is she? Maurice, where the fuck is this place?” He had the old bastard up against the wall now, jowls shaking, stuttering. “What’s the address, Maurice? Where is she?”

 

Adam owned a strip club. Because of _fucking course_ he did. Loki settled his breathing and rubbed his chest after running through the half dead town. The bouncers nodded at his ID and he smiled wth too many teeth as he walked in to find his friend. She wasn’t on the main floor, either serving or stripping, because that would have been easy, wouldn’t it? He picked a drunk businessman’s pocket for a phone and swaggered through the crowd as if he owned the place, stepping behind a waitress as she went through a door with a keypad and holding the phone up to his ear. “Adam? Yeah, hi mate. Yeah, just got here.” He put his hand over the mic and leaned towards the girl slightly, being extra obnoxious as he checked her name badge. “You got a minute, Lucy? Take me to Adam, would you, there’s a love.” He winked at her as she opened and shut her mouth a couple of times and went back to his one-sided conversation. “Yeah, just on my way, be there in a tick.”

He straightened his tie as he followed Lucy up the stairs to Adam’s office. He was glad he’d stopped to change into Maurice’s least shitty suit jacket and tie. Added to his own black skinny jeans, his hair slicked back into a ponytail, he looked like a guy who’d have a business meeting at 2am in a strip club. The cast on his arm only improved the look.

Belle was in the office with Adam. For a moment Loki’s knees went weak with relief, but she’d already been given a new outfit to wear. The guy moved fast. She’d come out in jeans and a hoodie, and he’d got her into what a business suit might look like if you thought business just meant having sex with the secretary. 

“Who are you and what do you want?”

The guy behind the desk stood up and Loki tilted his chin. Adam was taller than him, which was unusual, and broader, which was pretty common, but Loki figured he could take him. The way he felt right now he’d step up to take anyone.

“I’ve come for Belle.”

“She’s staying right here, aren’t you, Belle?”

“It’s fine, Loki, I made a deal.” Belle’s voice sounded like it was coming through a much narrower throat than normal.

“How much does Maurice owe? I’ll pay it.”

“Maurice doesn’t owe me anything any more.”

“I’m pretty sure slavery has been illegal for a couple of hundred years here.”

“What are you talking about, boy? Belle’s here voluntarily.”

“Loki, it’s fine, I’ve got this. I just have to be his secretary for a couple of months —“

“Literally no part of this is fine, and there’s no way I’m leaving here without you.” Loki threw a roll of twenties onto the table. “Maurice gave me an idea of how much his debt ran to. That’s double. C’mon, Belle, let’s go.”

His hand was on the doorknob when the bigger man moved. Loki turned instinctively and jabbed out with his left hand, but Adam was a lot faster than he expected. Pain flowered behind his ribs, but he didn’t let it freeze him. His heel shot out and he felt the crunch of a kneecap under his boot, and heard Adam roar. He punched at his face, and missed, and as Adam grabbed the cast on his right hand he thought _well, this is what you get for being comfortable for too long._ He might have screamed from the pain in his wrist if there wasn’t a massive hand round his throat, crushing his neck and making little black stars sparkle in his eyes as someone sang _this is familiar_ round and around his head.

And then it was gone. He fell to his knees and gasped, drinking in the air past his swollen windpipe. Adam was on the floor and Belle was dragging him round the rigs, forgetting how sore he still was, pulling him down the stairs and out into the drizzle. A second dose of adrenaline kicked in and he ran with her before collapsing a few streets away and gasping some more, cradling his throbbing wrist.

“Belle…”

When he could focus he looked up at her. All her exposed skin was goose pimpled and her fists clenching and unclenching. She looked like she might start breathing fire, and for a moment the pathetic dog-like creature inside him cowered and wondered if he’d got it wrong. He always got it wrong. “Belle?” He reached up for her hand and she flinched away from him, violently. _Shit._

“I am so fucking sick of this shit.”

“I’m —“

“That is IT. That is fucking it. I’m so fucking fed up of these stupid fucking men and their stupid fucking games.” She turned on him and he flinched, and hated himself for it.

“I’m sorry, Belle —“

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Loki, it’s not about you.”

He swallowed another apology and she stamped around in the stupid high heels, kicking a flower planter. “It’s always the same. I’ve got to be a good girl and look after my dad, get him out of trouble yet again. I’ve got to be a good girl and not kick Gaston in the bollocks when he pervs on me again. I’ve got to be a good girl and agree to all the extra shifts at work when everyone else just needs that time off. Be a good girl and play secretary for the creepy weirdo - ‘oh, I’m not going to harm you, just wear this outfit and take my calls and look beautiful for the customers and you’ll get Stockholm Syndrome and fuck me anyway because I was so merciful to your pathetic father yet a-fucking-gain!” She screamed and threw her shoes across the road, then stood panting again.

“Loki, do you want to run away?”

He shrugged. “Sure. It’s sort of my thing.”

He was pretty sure she wasn’t serious, that just being allowed to think about it was enough of a rebellion and she’d turn back to her responsible cage in the morning. He wanted to take her hand and jun on the first bus or train out, before she could fall back into her trap, and instantly hated his selfishness. He would need to go soon. He was a bad influence and a danger to her, especially if they caught up with him. He wrapped his good arm around her and they walked in step as she planned, and asked him what she should pack. He lay awake next to her when they got home, wanting the fantasy to last and knowing he deserved no such thing.


	4. Papillon

She woke up on Loki’s chest and allowed herself the stolen luxury of listening to his steady breathing before the wave of anxiety crashed over her. _What am I thinking of?_ screamed the voices in her head. _How could you be so selfish?_

And suddenly it was all clear again. Belle had spent her life working on being selfless, making sure no-one had any opportunity to compare her to the mother who abandoned an alcoholic husband and twelve year old daughter. She’d lived for the teachers and relatives and friends who said ‘you’re such a _nice_ girl, Belle’. You’d have thought the tiny rebellions would be forgiven in face of overwhelming credit of good behaviour, but it seemed like everyone’s expectations of her just raised to match. And where had it got her? A shitty job in Gap, and all her savings going to pay off Dad’s gambling debts, a uni place she couldn’t take because the fees were too high and the bursary not high enough and the student loans too much of an axe hanging over her future when a literature degree was hardly going to guarantee her a well paid job. Being coerced into wage slavery was just the icing on the fucking cake.

When Loki shifted and rubbed his eyes open she had already made a pile of clothes to pack and a much bigger pile of books.

“I don’t suppose you can carry all seven Harry Potters, can you?”

He stared at her in silence for a moment. “You’re still serious about this?”

“I’ve always wanted an adventure.” She tossed her hair, deliberately flippant. 

He stood in front of her until she lifted her eyes from his flannel pyjama trousers to look him in the eye. He cupped her cheek in his good hand, his face unreadable. “I’ve run away from home twice. If you can consider the second place a home, which…anyway. It’s not…romantic, you know, it’s not —“

“No. It’s reckless and selfish and dangerous and unpredictable and entirely mine. Well, ours.”

He shook his head. “Don’t exchange one stupid man who needs saving for another.”

“I’m going with or without you, Loki. But I would prefer your company.”

He snorted, then grew serious again, brushing hair out of her eyes in a gesture that was more nervous than affectionate. It still made her butterflies swoop a little. “Belle, you saw what I was…what happened to me. It’s not safe.”

“And you think that kind of thing could never happen to me here? This ‘safety’ is just an illusion to keep me quiet, the last couple of days have just made it obvious to me. If Gaston or Adam wanted me, they wouldn’t let something like my ‘good behaviour’ stop them. It’s not like you were asking for…sorry. I’m sorry, Loki, we don’t have to talk about it.”

He took a deep breath and very deliberately lowered his hunched shoulders and unclenched his fists. “It’s fine. I brought it up. No, I didn’t…ask for it, but I put myself in situations where it as a lot more likely, so —“

“Don’t. Don’t you dare even THINK of going any closer to ‘I deserved it’ than that, because what happened was done TO you and the only people responsible are the bastards who did this. This kind of thing happens to waitresses and businessmen and housewives and sports players and fighters and schoolgirls and hookers and NONE of them deserve it so don’t you dare think you do.” 

She reached out slowly as she talked, giving him time and space to pull back, and when he let her touch his arm, she slowly wrapped him in a hug. He stood, tense, for a moment, then dropped his head onto her shoulder and released a deep breath into the side of her neck. She stroked his back as he returned the embrace. “And this time I’ll be there to watch your back, yeah?”

He gave another snorting laugh, and she suddenly pulled back, wide eyed. “Oh my God, are you OK with this? I never even…I mean, it’s so selfish of me, I can’t ask you to go back out there where you don’t feel safe…Loki, if you want to stay —“

“No! God, no, that’s not…you were right, it’s no safer here. I would have had to move on soon anyway, the longer I stay still the more likely they are to catch up with me. And I used my bank card yesterday so…”

“Is that where you got the cash? Oh, Loki, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. We’ll catch a coach somewhere before they get here.”

“Loki, who are they? I haven’t wanted to ask but if we’re going to run together I need to know what I’m looking out for.”

He looked at her for a long moment, pulling fingers through his bed-tangled hair. “The guys who caught me…when you found me. They should think I’m dead now, they threw me in the canal after they…but he’s too cautious for that. He’d want a body, want to see me. I can’t afford to stop…” He was almost pacing, twitchy and making very little sense. She must have been looking as confused as she felt because he stopped and looked at her, wiping all the expression off his face, suddenly cold. “I’m not one of the good guys. I have hurt people. You’re not going to change me, so don’t get any ideas about saving the broken prince or whatever.”

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m the one who wants to change. ‘Not one of the good guys’! You know who probably thinks he IS one of the good guys? Gaston.” 

Loki snorted with mirth, then shrugged. “OK, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“I do what I want.” She stuck her tongue out at him, and he laughed.

“Starting already on the new rebel vibe? Fine, let’s get packing.” He turned to the piles on her bed. “Hmm. This might be a deal breaker…no books.”

She slumped her shoulders. “I knew you were going to say that. Can’t we just take one?”  “Really Belle? You could choose just one?”

“…no.” She stroked the spines of her best friends. “Did you leave all your books behind when you first ran?” She felt him tense beside her and glanced at his angry lines. She bit back an apology. No more nice.

“I burned everything.”

“Wow, dramatic much?”

He turned away, back still hunched, and she sighed. Maybe ‘not nice’ didn’t have to mean ‘actively cruel’. “Sorry, Loki.” He nodded once, sharply, and by the time she’d put her books back on the shelf he had turned back to her, all business. 

“You’ll need your warmest, thinnest clothes. Nights are colder than you can imagine, when you don’t have the alternative, but you don’t want to carry too much. No toiletries, we will start to smell but the sooner you accept that, the better. We’ll sneak into gyms and public toilets to wash and we’ll steal soap from there.” He looked hard at her, and she realised he was…if not trying to scare her off, at least testing her. In response she pulled a pair of scissors out of her desk, stepped over to the mirror and calmly cut off her ponytail. Rich brown waves cascaded around her face in an unflattering bob, and she looked at the handful of sleek hair in her left hand, still bound by the blue hair tie. Loki stepped forward and ran his fingers through the crop, and she tried not to shiver.

“Can you style the rest yourself? I won’t be much use.” He held up his right hand, looking a bit more swollen today after being so nearly healed. “You can do mine next.”

“Sure. Is your hand OK? Do you think Adam re-broke it?”

“No, it’s just a bit sore. I’ll leave the cast on another week or two and we can stop in any hospital to get it removed. They don’t like it when you just drop into fracture clinics, but fuck ‘em.” He winked at her. “I had my knight in shining armour to stop him before he went too far. What did you hit him with, anyway?”

“A chair,” she giggled. 

His eyebrows raised. “I’m going to feel a lot safer with you around, killer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very lucky, and have never had to sleep rough, so please forgive me if I've misrepresented any aspect of it. I don't want to glorify a situation like that, and hopefully I've addressed the fact that Belle does slightly romanticise the idea of running away.


	5. Frankenstein

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who's been reading this and kudosing - and it's a bit mind-blowing to think that there are people following along with these updates, thank you very much!

Loki withdrew the maximum possible amount from the ATM by the town hall, split the cash up and tucked the folded notes in different pockets and hidden spots in his bag. Belle watched, then copied with her own meagre savings. Her new short haircut made her look pixieish, and he made a fist to stop himself running his fingers through it. They’d left her father snoring on the sofa, just a short note on the table. Loki had snooped at it before he followed her. ‘Dad, stay safe this time. I won’t be here to fix it, but I love you. Belle.’

“Ready?” he asked, as she tucked a rolled up £20 down her bra.

“As I’ll ever be.”

He nearly asked again, but her expression contradicted the hesitance in her words. Her eyes were sparkling, excited. She was sure about this. He just hoped the next steps, as cruel as they may be, didn’t kill that sparkle altogether.

He was smiling down at her, walking towards the bus station hand in hand when he heard his name, and the bottom dropped out of his world. He dropped Belle’s hand from nerveless fingers.

“There he is! Hogun, we’ve got him!”

Impossible…it was impossible. They had stopped looking, they must have stopped, years ago. But there he was, his…not-brother. The golden boy as big and as loud and perfect as ever. Loki didn’t understand. Was he seeing things? Is this how it starts?

“Loki, who is that guy?”

Belle. Everything came back into focus very suddenly and he grabbed her arm tight. “Belle, you have to run.”

“What? No —“

“As fast as you can, don’t look back. They won’t know your name or anything about you, once they’ve got me that’ll probably be enough for them, but you need to go NOW.”

“NO! No fucking way, Loki, I’ve got your back, remember?”

“Brother, let the girl go.”

“I am _not your brother_ ,” Loki almost screamed, his fingers tightening on Belle’s upper arm. He felt her jerk, swear and lash out, and turned to see Fandral trying to pull her away until she kicked out again and found her mark. He dropped with a groan, cradling his balls, and Loki felt pride flash through the panic for an instant. He shoved Belle behind him and held his right hand out, still in the cast but free of the sling. He shifted constantly to keep the five of them in sight, trying to stand between them and Belle. “Leave her alone,” he snarled.

“Brother, just let the girl go and we’ll talk.”

“Please, she hasn’t done anything, just leave her alone…” He could see them start to circle again, and he knew he couldn’t stop them, couldn’t protect her. He’d got her into this, ruined everything else, ruined someone else’s life with his selfishness like he always had. Too selfish to even die. The panic was rising too high, _so weak_. “Please, don’t _hurt her_. I don’t mind what you do to me…”

“We don’t want to hurt you, Loki! We just want to help you.”

“Loki, look out!” Belle shoved him to the side as Hogun lunged towards him. He fell to one knee and heard Belle’s kick connect and Hogun’s yelp, more of surprise than pain. And suddenly it was Belle standing between him and them, a penknife in her hand, glorious in her fury. 

Thor held both hands out in a placating gesture. “We don’t want to harm anyone.”

“You have a funny way of showing it. Back off!” And Sif stepped back, hands up as well. Loki tried to control his breathing, but he was still falling, falling.

“My brother needs help. We just want him to be safe.”

“I’ll keep him safe. You’re making him worse.”

“You don’t know what he’s capable of. What he’s done.” Fandral had got his voice back but was still staying well back. Loki hadn’t thought there could be more panic but _please, please don’t tell her about the monster, I can’t lose her too, please let me live the lie a little longer…_

“I know what he’s done for me.” She reached for his arm without looking and pulled him up gently. He tried to get his shaking legs under him. “Loki, _hold on_. Hold on, OK?” 

He nodded sharply and started muttering the poem to himself under his breath, letting her manoeuvre him backwards. She was still talking to Thor and the others, and mid-sentence he grabbed her round the waist and rushed across the road. The lights had just turned green and cars screeched and hooted at them, but they were on the other side of the road, separated from them by a stream of traffic. An engine started up and Belle started dragging him towards the coach to Birmingham. “No, too obvious. Come one.” He dragged her over the wall by the canal and they crouched there, nerves tingling. When he heard Sif’s voice yelling for him he couldn't hold back another wave of pathetic fear, and pressed his forehead against the rough wall.

“There’s no sign of him.”

“Did you see where that bus was headed? They must’ve been on it.”

“I didn’t see them.”

“But they’re not here now, and they definitely came this way.”

“I think it was Birmingham. Where does it stop?”

“I’ll check,” Volstagg said, and there was the sound of an iPhone being unlocked, horrifyingly close.

“Do it as we move, I’m sure we can beat the bus there if we get moving now.”

“You know he might just get off at an earlier stop.”

“I know, Sif, but I’ve got to try. We’re so close. It’ll break Mum’s heart if we can’t bring him home.”

Loki stayed very still, head still pressed against the wall, for a long time after their loud voices faded. He stayed there when Belle stood up. “Coast’s clear, Loki. C’mon.”

He couldn’t move. If he moved he’d shatter. He could hold himself together if she just gave him another minute. they he could fit the mask back better and be fine again.

But she knelt back down next to him and wrapped her arms around him. The shudders broke into sobs as his heart broke along the fault lines. She pulled him against her chest and stroked his back, and held his head close to her neck as he cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, Thor etc make their appearance. And yes, Loki is overreacting. He has some pretty bad expectations of what people will do to him when they catch him. I hope you enjoyed it...please let me know what you think!


	6. Remains of the Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more of Loki's back story...please read the warnings because he's not a very happy bunny and this chapter deals with past suicide attempts and suicidal ideation. Thank you so much for reading!

They caught the local bus to Oxford which took the longest route possible and stopped at all the tiny villagesLoki stared out over ploughed fields and trees with baby green shoots. Belle lay against his left side, his arm round her shoulders. He’d thought she was asleep and jumped slightly when she spoke.

“So that’s ‘them’? That’s who you’ve been running from?”

“No. I don’t know if we’d have got away if _they’d_ found us. That was my family. Sort of…I actually thought they’d forgotten me by now.” He rubbed his head. “I thought Thor was dead.”

Belle pushed herself up, hand on his thigh. “What?”

He couldn’t answer. All his batteries were weak and she was so close to seeing the monster he truly was. And then she’d be gone. It was only a matter of time. He touched the old scars on his arms, almost obscured by the others he’d been given. _After she’s gone I’ll do it right_.

“Loki, I know you think it’s too bad to tell me, but I’m not going anywhere.”

_You will_.

“One of those guys said I don’t know what you’ve done, and I said I know what you’ve done for me. I know who you are _now_ and you’re kind, and fierce, and brave, and such a survivor. That’s going to balance an awful lot of bad things for me. Trust me?”

Loki smiled sadly. _No_ , he thought, _but why delay the inevitable?_

“I burned the house down. After I found out I was adopted, and found out who my real parents were. After I realised _what_ I am. It all made so much sense. Why I was so different, why I’ve always been so angry, always getting into fights. Why I can’t be like Thor no matter how hard I try.”

“What do you mean? You’re not your parents Loki.”

“They were monsters. I found the adoption papers after Fandral - my cousin - after he told me. He overheard our parents talking about it, how they were worried that I’m 'going the same way'.”

His voice had been dead calm until that point, but Fandral’s sneering face floated up behind his eyes, revelling in his tale, revenge for Loki exposing him as a cheater to both his latest girlfriends. _“Know what’s wrong with you, Loki? You’re a fucking psycho, just like your real parents. Got find out who your real mummy and daddy are. Everyone else knows. You look just like your real mum, act like her too.”_

Belle took his hand, and he twitched away from her, pressing his fingers between his knees. He couldn’t take any more kindness from her, not when she’d be going soon.

“They were serial killers. Textbook psychopaths. When they were caught I was only a year old. They didn’t find me for days, it was in all the papers. Easy to find if you know what to google. When they found me I was lying with the last two bodies, half dead from dehydration. My _parents_ had been in custody for three days and told anyone who would listen about all the people that they’d killed, but they didn't tell anyone about me.”

His voice was back to dead calm, and he rocked slightly, eyes unfocused as he pounded the last few nails in his own coffin.

“Frigga…Thor’s mum…she found me. She was one of the scene of crime officers so she found me. Fath…Odin is chief of the Metropolitan police. Guess they were the only ones equipped to deal with me. Or not, as it turns out. I think I started by trashing the laptop. It just made a weird kind of sense to trash everything else, my whole life. I burned the house to the ground, opened all the gas hobs on the oven and everything. I was going to stay there and burn up with it, take myself out of the picture so I couldn’t hurt anyone else.” He laughed and shook his head. “Thor came back early. He dragged me out of there. I was so _angry_. He knew everything, they all did, and nobody thought to tell me so I’d be able to cope with my dickhead cousin. I found a piece of glass, I started cutting my arm open and he tried to stop me…I…I stabbed him with it. I can’t even _die_ right, it all always ends in someone else getting hurt, and now you’re here and you’re…you’re turning into me…I’m poison, Belle, everything I touch turns to chaos and ruin. I’ve been an addict and a dealer, and worse. I can’t even remember half of it. I broke a man’s fingers because _he_ told me to. I’ve given up trying to be something I’m not, something whole and good. I’ve always been…wrong, I just didn’t know why. When I learned I was born a monster it just all made so much sense.”

He let his head fall against the back of the chair in front of them. He’d never told anyone. Hadn’t had the chance. As soon as he’d run from his family he’d been sucked into a black hole of pain and abuse…he should have known he’d never be able to escape from the real hell of his life. Telling Belle, even just a small part of it, didn’t make him feel better, just empty, done, waiting until she left so he could die properly this time. He’d already stolen her pocket knife. His fingers twitched as teardrops fell on them, almost surprised to realise he was crying. Well, she’d seen worse, he guessed, one more sign of how pathetic he was wouldn’t change anything now.


	7. The Bean Trees

Belle watched Loki fall apart telling her his story. She could tell that wasn’t all of it. Maybe it wasn’t even the worst of it, but she couldn’t bear to think of what else one person could possibly be exposed to. Insistent thoughts clamoured to come out, to tell him it was going to be OK, prove he’s not a psychopath, wasn’t there something about empathy and cruelty in the diagnosis? Tell him it’s understandable to want to trash things, tell him Thor’s still here, he didn’t kill him. Find that scar on his wrist she’d missed under all the other injuries and kiss it, tell him he’s not a monster. Every time one thought rose up another equally important one drowned it out until she gave up on telling him anything at all. It was all pretty much like contradicting his feelings, anyway, and might send him running back into that shell. Instead, she wrapped her arms round him, ignoring his surprised gasp, and sang, pulling him back to rest on her shoulder. She sang the same songs she’d used every time the nightmares hit, Norah Jones, Tracy Chapman, Thea Gillmore, and anything else that came to mind as he curled against her and cried himself to sleep.

The bus pulled into the depot fifteen minutes later, and Belle sat still with Loki breathing steadily against her chest until the driver came back to move them. She gave him an apologetic smile. “Are you going anywhere else tonight? I’ll buy another couple of tickets. He’s had a rough time, I don’t want to wake him up.”

The man shook his head, but not unkindly. “Sorry, love, this one’s shutting down for the night.” He narrowed his eyes briefly. “You’re runaways, aren’t you?"

“Not like that. We’re both over 18.”

“If you say so, love. You got somewhere to stay?”

She smiled. “We’ll be OK, thank you.”

“Tell you what. I’ve got some paperwork to do before I clock off. Give him an extra half hour of kip, I’ll shut the bus up last thing.”

“Thank you so much.”

 

He even brought them each a cup of tea when he came back. Loki was rubbing his eyes and looking like his entire world was still upside down, so Belle gave the kind bus driver a kiss on the cheek before guiding Loki into the night. “You OK?”

He shook his head, but more in wonder than as an answer. “I can’t believe you’re still here.”

“Someone’s got to look after you.”

“No.” His tone changed completely and she turned in surprise. The bewildered face was gone, and he looked hard, focused. Had he ever been that vulnerable? Looking at him now it was easy to believe she’d imagined it all. “No, Belle, I do not need looking after. And you don’t need another stupid man tied to you, keeping you from the adventures you’ve worked bloody hard for. I’m not a replacement for your father, and you are not going to fix me, are we clear?”

She looked at him for a moment, almost tempted to agree straight away in the face of this new assertiveness. “How about this. You look after me and I’ll look after you the same. Friends and equals. I’ll trust you to point out when I’m being a martyr, and you trust me to hear your life story without running away or trying to fix you. Sound fair?”   
Loki’s face split into a grin. “Well, you calling yourself a martyr is a little harsh.”

“But fair.”

“Maybe a little.”

“So do we have a deal? We tell each other our problems and promise not to try and fix them, while looking after each other?”

“Deal.” He shook her hand mock-formally. “Come on, I can smell a bakery. Let’s go see whether they put cleaning fluid on their food before they chuck it out, shall we?”

“Why would they do that?”

He shrugged. “Some places do. I don’t know, something to do with fear of being sued if a homeless person gets food poisoning eating out of their bins.”

She scrunched her face up. “Has that ever happened?”

“I sincerely doubt it. Most homeless people and runaways are on the edges of society for a reason. We’re unlikely to go finding a lawyer when we get a stomach ache.”

Belle bit down on her indignation and followed him out of the bus depot to a series of bakeries, cafes and greasy spoons. He slipped down an alleyway and hunched down by a skip. They waited there for an hour or so, the mouth watering smells of pastry and yeast mingling with rancid fats and rotten vegetables in the bins. Belle propped her back against the wall as she squatted in the dark and coached herself to stay as still and silent as Loki. His long legs were folded and he leaned over his knees, his feet flat on the floor. He looked like he could stay there all night, while Belle’s ankles were tingling with pins and needles already. She was just about to shift when a door opened a few feet down the alley and a young man clattered around by one of the skips. She would have leaped up as soon as the door slammed shut, but Loki held her wrist. A moment later, the man was out again with more rubbish.

“Come on, I think he’s done,” said Loki, once the alley had been quiet for a full five minutes. Belle stood lookout while Loki, with his superior height, lifted the lid of the skip. “Jackpot,” he whispered, and Belle risked a peek into the bin. It sure didn’t look like any sort of prize she’d ever seen. The giant plastic bin was half full of mushy tomatoes, mouldy bread and unidentifiable gunky stuff, but Loki was shoving things aside and grabbing packaged muffins. He grinned up at her. “There are even sandwiches in bags in here. Beginner’s luck, I think.”

“Hey, what are you two doing there?”

“Time to go,” he grinned, letting the bin lid slam shut, and the two of them raced away from the two shop workers who’d yelled at them. Loki led her down the hill and across the traffic lights, and they slowed to a walk as they reached a hump backed bridge. He leant on the stone wall, long legs crossed at the ankle in front of him, and handed her a baguette. “Cheese salad. Perfect. You want to stay away from things like tuna and egg. Ham’s also a bit dodgy, but you can usually tell when it’s going off. If you think it’s going greenish, don’t risk it. Better to go hungry and try the next place than get sick and throw everything up. You’d be amazed how long you can last without food. But we’ll put the muffins in the backpack, they’ll last the longest.”

She nodded along to all his instructions, chewing on the stale baguette. It tasted like the finest gourmet, and she wasn’t sure if it was the excitement or the fact that it was stolen that made it so much better. Loki was unwrapping a BLT, and inspecting the contents to make sure the bacon looked and smelled acceptable. “Always eat fruit and veg if you can get it. Packaged food is safer from the bin, but it’s not always very healthy, and you don’t want to get any vitamin deficiencies.”

“Got it.”

 

They walked around for hours after they’d thrown the empty sandwich packages away. Loki showed her how to fish for coins from the storm drains with a strong magnet on the end of a key chain, and they had a little luck before she started yawning. He smiled and rubbed her back.

“Come on down here, there’s a park we can sleep in, I think.”

“Why a park?”

“Softer ground than the pavement, fewer drunk people thinking it’s funny to kick you awake.”

“That’s awful!”

He shrugged and unrolled the thin yoga mat he’d pounced on back ho…back at her dad’s house. “Don’t bother getting angry, it’s a waste of sentiment. Anyway, the grass has one drawback - when the dew rises it gets wet and very cold - this’ll protect us from the worst of it. The beech tree will be the best in the rain, though not perfect, and these hedges make a great windbreak. You can sleep first.”

“Aren’t you going to sleep?”

“I think we’ll get more rest if we take turns to keep watch. You sleep very lightly when you know your stuff and your…self is unguarded. If you don’t wake up before, I’ll wake you at 6am and you can watch for the next six hours. Put on all your clothes but take your shoes off, and you can lie your head in my lap…if you like?”

He was suddenly unsure and Belle smiled at him. “Sure. What are you going to do for six hours in the dark, though?”

He shrugged. “Daydream. Talk to myself, if you don’t mind - I’ll be quiet. Recite poetry, sing, translate stuff into Norwegian, I dunno.”

She laughed as she pulled on her third layer. “Why Norwegian?”

“That’s where my…my adopted family’s from.”

“Oh, well, that explains the names.” She pulled a pair of trackie pants over the top of her tights and jeans, then wore several pairs of socks before snuggling her head on his thigh and draping herself in a fluffy blanket. Loki was dressed much the same, and had his blanket wrapped round his shoulders, leaned up against their bags and the tree trunk. She fell asleep to soft murmurings she couldn’t understand. 

 

Her first night sleeping rough went about as well as could be expected, which meant every vertebra felt out of place, her whole right side bruised, and her face felt covered in a layer of _ugh_ because she couldn’t brush her teeth or use a flannel. She tried to move slowly so as not to jostle Loki, and cursed the fact that she hadn’t memorised nearly enough books to keep her mind busy in the cold and dark. But after a while, once her bum had gone through the pins and needles stage and out the other side, she had to admit that watching the early spring sunset creep across the trees was a pretty amazing - and quite restful - way to spend a few hours, especially when you have nowhere to be, no deadlines and countdowns and demands on your time. And Loki’s face when he finally woke up and she told him the time made everything worthwhile.

“Seriously? I slept eight whole hours?” He sat up and rubbed his eyes, grinning dopily. “I can’t believe that worked so well! I’ve never had more than two hours straight sleeping rough. Having someone watching over you makes all the difference. Belle, I think I’ve had more sleep since I’ve known you than in the last three years.”

Belle smiled back and stomped on the urge to wrap him up in a hug and say ‘awww’. She pointlessly wished he’d turned up in her life three years ago. How much grief and pain and nightmare he might have been spared if he’d been found by someone kind? Or just someone who didn’t want to abuse him.


	8. The Mermaid's Child

They spent the next months with no plans, going where they felt like in the moment and doing what they could of what they wanted. They slept in the early morning or late afternoon so they could walk around and keep warm in the coldest part of the night. He stole fruit and cans of food, and Belle charmed people into giving them odd jobs or cups of tea. Loki watched Belle’s clothes hang looser off her shoulders and stole vitamins as well. They sneaked onto trains to the coast, and as the weather warmed up were able to shower by the beach every day instead of every week, then sit on the clifftops watching the moon rise. Loki’s hair grew down to his shoulders, and Belle kept hers short with the scissors on the penknife. “I don’t need long hair any more,” she said, stroking her fingers through his raven curls to tease out the tangles every time they woke up. “I’m living vicariously.” He didn’t tell her how much he loved her touch, that it was the reason he refused to cut it. They were doing well. Belle continued to treat the whole thing like one big adventure, and he let himself get dragged along in her wake. His panic attacks were less common, and they hadn’t seen any sign of being followed. She hadn’t asked him anything else about his past. For a while he believed he could pretend it hadn’t ever happened. She knew about the adoption, his genetics, and what he’d nearly done to his big brother, but she didn’t know about…anything else.

Then they were picking fruit in the summer in Dorset with illegal immigrants and Kiwi backpackers when one foreman tried to separate them by gender. Loki grabbed Belle and the teenage Sudanese girl standing next to her and ran until they collapsed three fields away.

“What the hell, Loki?”

“Have any of the other farms ever split us up by gender?”

“No, but —“

“Sex slavery, Belle.”

“Oh, come on, Loki, I’m sure it wasn’t —“

“Maybe not.” His heart was still pounding and the sound of his blood loud in his ears. “But once bitten, twice shy, OK?”

“Wait…oh my God, Loki, have you —“

  “Got caught up in a ring like that? Yeah.” His fingers were starting to shake, and as soon as he noticed, they trembled more. “It was different, though. They groomed me with drugs and stuff, so I should have known better really.”

“How? How could you possibly have known better?”

“Oh, don’t stress out about it, I’m fine,” he sneered. “It was five years ago or something, and I got myself out.” He downplayed it, focusing only on the start, and not what followed. He faced her rage, forged his panic and terror into fury.

“Jesus, Loki, you were fifteen? Did your family ever find out?”

“They’re not my family.”

“And that’s not an answer.”

“I don’t know why you’re so mad about this, Belle, if I didn’t know what I do, you and…” he pointed at the new girl and clicked his fingers.

“Naimah,” she muttered. 

“You and Naimah here would be in a way worse situation than I was. Girls have it worse, everyone knows that.” He set his jaw, ready to fight

“BullSHIT, Loki.” Her chin was wobbling and tears poured down her face, but she still looked livid. “Don’t you try to minimise what those _bastards_ did to you. I will fucking _kill_ every last one of them if I ever get hold of them.” She started pacing up and down, fists clenched. Naimah looked terrified. 

Loki stared at her, open mouthed. “You’re not mad at me?”

“What? Why would I be mad at you?” All the anger drained from her face and she stopped pacing, half-turned to look at him. 

He huffed a laugh and felt his hands shake in waves, unpredictably. “Because I didn’t tell you? Because I was such a stupid fucking junkie? Because I could kind of see what was happening when these guys were taking me and Sigyn out even though they were at least twice our age? Because we’ve all had that talk in PSHE class about older men giving you phones and gifts and eventually you KNOW he’s going to start calling in those favours, and then sharing you round his friends. I knew all that. I did. And I still got pulled in.” The air wasn’t really getting to his limbs, and his legs felt weak, and his brain was shutting down. “They don’t tell you that some of them prefer it when you scream. They like a challenge, too, if you’re the kind of stroppy little shit who refuses to beg. I…I thought it would take more to make me cry, but I was weaker than I thought.”

“Loki…” 

His eyes sought her, dragged back out of the memories. His breath was shallow and gasping and the last remaining fragment of calm trapped under the hurricane of memories observed that he’d progressed into a full blown panic attack without realising it. He hauled on all his strength to PULL his lungs into more regular breathing, but all that happened was a _noise_ , a humiliating _moan_ that reminded him of the noises _they_ had made when they were using him and he tried to tear at his throat, get it out _get it out_ of him. He was on his knees and elbows rocking and retching and he was fifteen and drugged up and powerless, and then he was seventeen and they’d got him staying with them for good this time, and he was twenty and they caught up with him after his escape and raped and beat him before throwing him into the canal to die.

 And there was Belle. Reciting the poem and trying to hold all the shattered pieces of him together and she got to that line and _he couldn’t say it_. He was failing her. He tried to speak and that noise happened again and again and the grain of calm, weathered down to a speck in the storm said _at last, I think we might be about to die_.


	9. Peter Pan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter upload today, because chapters 8 and 9 are so short!

He woke up as the sun was setting. Naimah leaned over. “Oh good, you’re awake.” She handed him a bottle of water and helped him sit up against a tree. “Belle’s gone to find firewood.” She sat cross legged and inspected him, elbow on knee and chin in hand. “Thank you for saving me. I had hoped things would be different in this country but if even being white, male and well spoken is no guarantee of safety, we’re all fucked.”

Loki smiled at the profanity coming from such cherub round cheeks. “I was rich, too, or my family was. We really have no hope.”

She grinned and took her water back. “I guess we’ll have to make our own then.”

 

Belle came back with wood and sour apples, and they sat around little fire, cushioned by piles of leaves. She directed Naimah and Loki to sleep first, side by side and top to tail on the yoga mat. “We could probably all sleep. Not many people around to nick our stuff,” he tried.

“Nah, that’s OK. Those possible dickbags are only a few fields away, and someone has to keep an eye on the fire.”

Loki tilted his face up and looked at Belle in the firelight. Naimah was already asleep, pressed against his back, her head on a folded up hoodie at his feet. “Belle, are you still OK with this? We can go back to your dad’s place any time.”

“Are you kidding? No way. You wouldn't go back to your old life.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t burn your home and stab your adopted brother.”

“No, and I didn’t mean to minimise what you’ve been through. Your life has just been…every time I hear more about your past I just have to add more people onto my kill list.”

Loki smiled and felt the solid warmth of her leg against his cheek, and her hip against the back of his head, and wondered if he’d ever been this loved, this happy. If it could last.

“There’s nothing I want back there,” she continued. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’ll be doing this my whole life, but when I stop it won’t be to go back to my old life, and it won’t be because something a little bit utterly terrifying happened. Horrific things happen everywhere. Our old lives are surely enough proof of that.”

“You could die out here, Belle. What if I end up leading you to your death?” Loki tried and failed to keep the tremor out his voice. Just acknowledging the possibility was horrifying, but Belle just smiled with one side of her lips and stroked his cheek. 

 “To die would be an awfully big adventure.”

“Don’t…don’t say that. Belle, don’t even suggest…”

“I’m kidding, Loki. I don’t have a death wish.”

“I’m the self-destructive one here, God, Belle, don’t turn into me, please —“

“Loki! Calm down, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it, I was just being flippant. You can die falling down the stairs or getting run over by a bus living a quiet life in suburbia with 1.5 children. I’m not looking to put myself in danger but I don’t have any reason to stop myself doing what I want. Look at me now. We’re sleeping by a campfire in a wood, under a star-filled summer sky. Last week we ate so many strawberries we could hardly move. We’ve seen whales from a cliff top, we spent three days straight in Cardiff library, and we spent hours catching fish with our bare freaking hands in that little river in Exeter. There’s nothing about the last few months with you that I’d swap to go back home to my dead-end job with my dead-beat dad in that little provincial town where I’m just the weird ugly duckling everyone wants to turn into a beautiful swan.”

“You just nearly got sold into the sex trade.”

“But we didn’t. We fought back and we fucking ran and we didn’t let the world dictate to us. And remember the whole reason we _left_ was because of some creepy dude practically enslaving me. I don’t think this life is glamorous or romantic. I’m hungry most of the time and cold half the time. I’ve got bugs and my ankle still sometimes hurts from sliding down that hill near Tewkesbury. I have no illusions that if I was by myself this would be next to impossible, and certainly impossible to enjoy it in any way. You and Naimah…your experiences just make me want to _burn_ some people…but we’re not alone any more, Loki. And this life, right now, this little snapshot when you ignore the past and the future,” she spread her hands and tipped her head back, “is glorious.”

Loki watched her, felt her joy permeate every inch of the clearing, spread like the warmth of their fire. What was someone so perfect doing anywhere near him? He closed his eyes and allowed himself to spread his hand out on her knee, that little bit of extra contact with her, let himself pretend that he wasn’t a broken, twisted thing, that he was someone she deserved. Someone who deserved to admit that he had fallen so desperately in love with her that just being within half a mile of her was a blessing and a curse.


	10. The Magic Flutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here come the other members of the plot...and a chapter of a worthwhile length!

Naimah needed ID. Even Loki and Belle had their driving licenses with them, and being a black teenage girl with a strong accent, Belle knew she was going to be way more of a target than the two white homeless adults. She’d once suggested Naimah apply for asylum, but Loki shook his head. They’d been about to change watch, Loki curling up behind Naimah, his head on Belle’s lap as faint pink rays touched the sky. They’d mostly left her out of watch duty, enjoying the overprotectiveness of looking after a younger sister. Especially as she had even more nightmares than Loki.

“We can do better than that for her, Belle,” he said, rubbing the tight curls along Naimah’s temple as she twitched slightly. He left his hand resting on her upper arm as he closed his own eyes.

They were on the outskirts of Southampton the following afternoon before Loki mentioned it again. “We need to find an internet cafe.”

“Really? Why?”

Loki looked at Naimah as he answered Belle’s question. “I know a girl in London. She used to forge documents for my…employers. Sometimes I used to pick them up or make orders. If anyone can make you legal, she can.”

Naimah looked at him warily, too used to the real world already to really get her hopes up. “What would I owe her?”

“I’ve still got some money laid by. It’ll be enough.”

“Then what will I owe you?”

“Nothing. Just…be someone I’ve helped rather than hurt for a change, OK? Look, I’m not sure if I can get hold of her any more, so don’t get your hopes up, but it’s worth a shot. You could go to school —“

“Don’t. Don’t make me think of a happy future, please. I get along well by not thinking of the past or the future. I cannot afford to lose that skill.” 

Belle was opening her mouth to argue, but Loki nodded as if she’d said something very sensible and well-adjusted. “Let’s head towards the town centre and see what we can find, then.”

It took longer than they expected to get there. The clouds had been ominous all day and a light drizzle turned into a steady downpour by the time they were in a dingy 50s estate with a couple of shops. Getting wet was a terrible idea for people who didn’t have many clothes to change into and no way of getting dry. They had a battered tarpaulin stolen from behind a factory in Birmingham that they strung up at night when they needed it, but it wasn’t much good to walk under three abreast, so they lounged in a bus stop for hours. Belle reached into her backpack for a tin of soup and they shared it cold, wiping it clean with their fingers when it was all gone. They were going to need more supplies soon, but Belle didn’t want to mention it once they had something so important to spend the last of their money on.

“We’ve got to move on, girls,” said Loki softly, nodding towards one of the houses. Belle didn’t turn to look for a minute, and then only under cover of throwing the tin away. A curtain was twitching and an old woman glared out at them. Belle could see the phone held up to her ear. Loki and Naimah had spotted that as well and immediately the three of them walked out into the rain. Without Naimah, Belle and Loki would have ignored her and just explained themselves to the police, but they were often asked for ID. THey’d just have to be cold tonight.

Even Loki, who rarely felt the cold, was shivering by the time they found an internet cafe above a little pastry shop near the city centre. Belle’s teeth were chattering and the smell of fresh croissants was a cruel and unusual punishment when they had only had a third of a tin of soup each all day. If it hadn’t been so gloriously warm Belle didn’t think she could have stood the torture. Loki logged onto Facebook and looked sheepish as the girls saw his profile picture. Belle tried (and failed) not to feel her heart whimper a little for the cheeky teenage boy in the profile thumbnail at the corner. His shoulder length black hair was dead straight, which Belle guessed must have taken quite some time with the GHDs each morning. His dark eyeliner, lip stud and leather jacket contrasted sharply with the blonde young man making bunny ears behind him, his tongue sticking out through some pretty impressive facial hair. Belle recognised Thor easily. He hadn’t changed much, but their relationship obviously had. The two boys in the photo had their heads angled towards each other, green and blue eyes crinkled up in delight at each other’s company. She turned her gaze to the man beside her and felt the usual amazement when she thought about him. How someone who had been through so much torture and come out so strong - and so kind. Without thinking, she brushed a strand of long black hair out of his face behind his ear, and he quirked a sweet smile at her. It made a jolt right through her solar plexus, and she wished she could tell him how gorgeous he was, how much she wanted him. She bit her tongue. Not a chance. That would be so unfair to him, she knew how much her friendship meant to him. He needed someone to be his safety and his lightening rod, and she didn’t know if he would be able to accept that from her once he knew how she really felt about him.

Loki clicked onto the messages tab, ignoring the unread ones which all seemed to start with phrases like ‘we miss you’, and ‘hope you’re safe out there’. Belle wondered how long it had been since he’d seen those people. He started a new message to a girl called Natasha whose profile showed a cute puppy in a hat. 

‘Hey, Natasha, I don’t know if you remember me, I used to work in the Greek restaurant! I was wondering if I could buy one of your gorgeous kittens? I need all the vaccinations up to date if possible. Can we come over some time soon?’

Belle guessed it must have been some kind of code, unless he’d lost his mind. It was possible, she’d nearly lost her own when a girl walked past wafting the smell of her bacon butty towards them.

The reply came quickly.

‘Heyyyyy babe, yeah, I remember you!!! Why don’t you come over on Monday to see my fur-babies? I defo need to get pix to put on FB, been too long. Mwah!!!!’

Belle felt her eyebrow raise. Could this really be the girl they needed? Wasn’t the number of exclamation marks and emoji used correlated to a person’s level of insanity? Loki was taking a risk logging onto Facebook, his location would be plastered all over the internet now.

“Right, we’ve got an appointment. Tash’ll get the paperwork halfway ready and she’ll just get your photos done quickly when we’re there in person. She’s a pro, you won’t just have the documents, she’ll give you an entire history online.” He rattled off a quick parting message with smiley faces she couldn’t imagine him ever using in real life. “Come on, then, let’s get out of here before I drool a puddle. We can see if they’ve got a dustbin out the back on the way.”

***

The bins were a no-go. The waiter had walked out on him lifting the lid of a promising looking skip and yelled at them, so they ran. The rain had turned into a sticky heat and he could feel their collective mood darkening as they walked further into the city.

“Holy shit, Loki, it’s market day.”

Loki’s eyes snapped up, hearing the grin in Belle’s voice. A slow grin spread over his own face and he pulled a pack of cards out of his pocket. “Let’s sing for our supper, then.”

One of the stalls was a bakery, and the trio all aimed for it together, still feeling their earlier defeat and with the smell of bread still burning their noses. 

“What can I get you folks?”

Belle stepped forward to play her part. They’d learned early on that her big brown eyes and apparent inability to look really grungy was a much better opener than the mad looking kid with too-long hair and too many scars. And this was Naimah’s first gig. “Hi there,” Belle smiled, and Loki watched the guy melt. He didn’t blame him, he melted a bit every time she used that face, looking up slightly through her eyelashes, pushing a strand of hair back off her forehead. “Would you be willing to trade us something? We don’t actually have any money, but we’re sort of travelling performers. I sing and Loki can juggle pretty much anything, and do magic.”

The man’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t run a soup kitchen, love.”

“No, no, of course not. Look, what about if you let us perform and if you enjoy it you can give us something, if not, you haven’t lost anything and we’ll just move on to the next stall.”

“Why don’t you just put a hat out like regular buskers?”

“We’d have to have a licence from the council for that, and we’re just passing through.” They’d done it a few times, but it rarely yielded much before the PCSOs came to move them on. “Anyway, we don’t have a hat.”

His lips twitched at that, and Loki suppressed his own grin. _Gotcha_. It was quite and the smallholder had looked bored. It was only a moment before he shrugged and gestured at them to get on with it. “But I warn you, I’m more of a Simon Cowell than a Cheryl Cole.”

Belle stepped back and Loki saw her glance around at the neighbouring stalls, trying to get as much attention as possible before she started. As she sang her eyes drifted shut, concentration on the perfect control over her diaphragm and tiny laryngeal muscles, a sweet, desolate soprano singing of love and grief. She sang an old Latin aria cutting across conversations and calling hearts to mourn. The classical music was a deliberate choice, even though she always sang blues and pop songs for Loki and Naimah. He was supposed to stay alert, figure out which stallholders would be most receptive to a second try, but so far the first try hadn’t failed, so Loki never had to admit that when she sang he got tunnel vision, lost all his defence mechanisms and let his adoration show while her eyes were safely shut. Everyone else was watching her too.

As the final grace notes died away and Belle’s eyes opened, Loki put his casual mask back on and watched her wince slightly. No matter how many times they did this there was always that microsecond before the applause and after the joy of singing itself where she truly believed she was going to get booed. As always, the crowd she’d attracted burst into whoops and cheers. The man at the bakery stall wiped his eyes openly and clapped. “You can have anything you like, darlin’. That was bloody beautiful. How are you not famous?”

She laughed and chose a loaf of cheese and herb bread. An old lady stepped forward and pressed a coin into her hand with a squeeze. “I haven’t heard Lascia cio Pianga for forty years. It brings back memories. Thank you, sweetheart.”

A lady on the fruit stall gave them a bunch of bananas, and a man handed over some tomatoes. “Sing another one and I’ll buy you a latte,” yelled an American man in purple skinny jeans. Belle sang Ave Maria, and Requiem, and even some Enya when she started running out of ideas. Naimah and Loki had to start putting the gifts in their rucksacks, stomachs growling but never thinking of eating until Belle could.

“Hey,” yelled the first man. “You juggle, don’t you? You half as good as Angel here?”

Loki grinned at the name. “Maybe half as good. I’m less likely to make you cry unless I drop an apple on you.” He pulled the tomatoes back out of his bag. 

“This’ll be messy,” someone laughed, and he grinned wickedly.

He juggled all of them, then vanished them one by one, and replaced them with the bananas, flipping them back and forth in a syncopated rhythm that threatened to drop everything at irregular intervals. Naimah threw odd objects at him to join the dizzying arc, and soon stallholders were joining in, trying to distract him by teaming up and throwing things from opposite directions at the same time. “I hope you know if I can catch it it’s mine,” he said calmly as a Chelsea bun joined the group. He spun and ducked and weaved, placing things carefully in the bags while everything else spun on above him, and when it was all gone he played card tricks for cash, making signed cards appear in hanging baskets, behind strangers’ ears and one in the Chelsea bun.

They left before they outstayed their welcome, shaking hands and bowing, leaving people smiling, their eyes alive. Loki looked at Belle as they shared the loaf and tomatoes round and wondered at how she’d changed every part of his life except the circumstances. He was still broke, still running, still looking over his shoulder for people who could hurt him, still mostly hungry, dirty, tired and at the mercy of the elements, but Belle made all of it beautiful. She made it an adventure, left people smiling and alive, Loki most of all.

“Hey, Voice Box, you still want that latte?”

The three turned to the slight American, his hand out to shake. “Clint Barton. Did I hear you guys are travelling performers?”

Belle took his hand, introducing them all with first names only. “We’re sort of travelling performers. Mostly we’re just travelling.”

“I don’t suppose you’ll be travelling down to Poole for Southern Lights this weekend?” He nodded to Loki. “It’d be your kind of thing, I guarantee it.”

Loki raised an eyebrow. “Southern Lights?”

Clint pulled a folded up flyer from his pocket. “Southern Lights, officially the awesomest circus arts festival this side of anywhere. Only £50 per person for the whole weekend, and the most talented organisers ever, of course.”

Belle laughed. “Oh yeah? Who would that be?”

“Hurtful. But I’ll forgive you if you come to my festival.”

“Sorry,” said Loki, handing the flyer back. “We really don’t have any money.”

“Huh, so that wasn’t just a scam then?” He looked them up and down over his dark glasses, taking in the grubby, frayed clothes and rapidly disappearing loaf of bread. 

“Of course it’s a scam,” scoffed Belle. “It just also happens to be necessary.”

“Hmm. Well, we could always use some marshals, and we’re short on people to put the marquees up. I can’t pay you or anything, but I’ll feed you. Or Tones will, anyway. You’ll learn some new tricks for next time, maybe even pick up some equipment. You,” he pointed at Belle, “can go on the music stage as a support act. I’ll accompany you, I play guitar. Unless you’ve got something better to do? C’mon, I’ll give you a lift.”

Loki could feel both girls looking at him. “We don’t have a tent.”

Clint rolled his eyes. “I run a festival. Have you any idea how many people abandon their tents when they go home? You can have one each for all I care, as long a you accept responsibility for finding one that doesn’t leak. Or Tony’ll put you up in his house on the grounds. He owns the land. That’s if he hasn’t already given away all 12 rooms. Wouldn’t surprise me with that guy. C’mon, it’ll be fun. And in a couple of years you’ll be rich and I’ll make you pay to come again.”

The girls were looking at Loki more openly now and he rolled his eyes. “Fine, let’s get in a car with the strange American man.”


	11. The Night Circus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio meet the Avengers

Clint drove them and a tonne of groceries through the downs on twisting roads. Belle called shotgun and was charming him while Naimah slept and Loki stared out the window, trying to focus on the scenery instead of the white hot pulses of anxiety associated with London and their appointment the following week. He listened to Belle tell Clint about their last five months, smiling whenever she referred to their homelessness as an ‘adventure’ or ‘travelling’. Even he could see the difference between his life before and after her, but how she could be so cheerful about it, when she had nothing to compare it with, was beyond him. She was just a ridiculous optimist. She still kept Naimah’s truth out of the conversation, so at least she had common sense. Clint, in turn, talked about his circus and fire arts troupe, the travelling they’d done, gigs they’d played from Aberdeen to Penzance, and how they’d met so many other fire performers at festivals all over the country that they’d decided to set up their own convention, now in its third year. 

The sun was starting to dip behind the hills by the time they’d navigated a series of hairpins on single track roads and pulled up to an old stately home overlooking a cliff-lined cove. “Come in and meet everyone. This is Tony’s house, he lends us his field every year and puts some of us up. He’s stupidly generous, I think he does it to irritate his ancestors or something.”

“That’s exactly why I do it, Tweety bird. Got nothing to do with actually liking you stinky hoards. Hey, fresh meat. Tony Stark, nice to meet you.”

A bundle of manic energy shook hands with Loki and kissed the girls’ cheeks before punching Clint on his shoulder and disappearing back into the house with a load of groceries.

Naimah laughed and Loki shook his head, picking up another couple of bags. He followed Tony into the house and stopped suddenly enough that Belle bumped into him. Clint sniggered as he pushed them forwards. “Pretty awesome, huh? Tony’s a mad scientist.”

“Inventor!”

“He’s also got ears like a bat.”

The large entrance hall seemed to have all the stereotypical stately home decor, including suits of armour, chandeliers and tapestries. But the chandeliers seemed to be projecting images (the BBC news, it looked like) on the largest white wall, while the suits of armour were…hoovering. One of them stomped up to Loki, holding out its hands. “May I take your bags, sir and mesdames?”

“Holy shit, we just walked into Harry Potter.”

“Indeed, sir,” replied the suit. “Into which house would you like to be sorted?”

“Hufflepuff for life, hey, Loki?” Belle threw her arms round his shoulder casually and he pretended to ignore it just as casually.

“Funny, my brother and cousins always said I should be in Slytherin.”

“Nothing wrong with a power hungry snake fetish,” yelled Tony from the kitchen. “Slytherins get a bad rap.” He strutted past them to yell up the stairs to the left. “Hey, Frenchies! Dinner’s ready!” Then turned back to Loki, Belle and Naimah, still hovering in the doorway. “Join us?”

***

Belle luxuriated in the first bed she’d slept on since February. Tony seemed to enjoy filling his enormous home with people, even if he’d never met them. There had been nine of them for dinner. Clint and his business partners Pepper and Bruce had sat together, going over numbers, accounts and timelines., sometimes calling out to Belle, Loki and Naimah to check if they were OK taking on certain tasks. The two French visitors, Cogsworth and Lumiere, were the special guests. From what Belle could guess, they were famous in the circus arts community, and whatever they did had something to do with fire and steampunk. They’d been the life and soul of the party, entertaining them with over the top bickering and accents worthy of Monty Python.

The sun was already high in the sky when Belle, after an indulgent second shower in 24 hours, ran down the curving staircase, feeling like a Disney princess.

“Morning, Belle, breakfast’s on the kitchen counter, help yourself.”

“Thanks - Pepper, right?”

“That’s right. Are you guys OK helping us with the set up today? People usually start arriving around 2pm.”

“Of course! I’m looking forward to it.”

“Clint told us how he met you guys.” Pepper had a kind face, but an unreadable smile. She couldn’t imagine her juggling or stilt walking - she looked more like a high powered businesswoman. “How long have you three been on the run?”

Belle laughed. “We’re not criminals, you don’t need to worry about harbouring fugitives.” _Illegal immigrants, on the other hand…_

Pepper laughed, a beautiful liquid sound. “I didn’t think you were criminals. But I noticed all three of you hoarding food in your pockets. Your clothes are all rags and you’re skin and bones.”

Belle pulled herself up straighter to glare at her. “We’re not homeless. We’re nomadic. It’s a choice.”

“For all of you?”

She opened her mouth and closed it again. Naimah they were trying to sort out, but Loki…if Belle hadn’t wanted to leave he had admitted he’d have to go anyway, always running in case his previous ‘employers’, or his family, caught him again. Running with her wasn’t the issue. Running at all was, and for Loki the alternatives to running were probably too horrific to contemplate. 

Pepper just smiled again. “You don’t have to hide food here. Help yourselves to anything in the kitchen, Tony insists.”

 

She found her two friends putting up marquees with Clint while Lumiere carried armfuls of hula hoops in from a van.

“You OK, Belle?” Loki stopped hammering massive pins into the ground to react to her thoughtful expression. She quickly dressed it with a smile, and then had to hide her gawping at the glorious muscle definition on his arms. They were usually covered up with long sleeved t-shirts because he hated his scars. She bit her lip and shook herself.

“Yup. What can I do?”

Clint worked them hard, setting up an L shape of marquees, leaving the field framed against the hills free for campers. Loki’s superior height was put to work with Bruce, Tony, and Tony’s pulley inventions, for raising the frames, while Belle was soon diverted to the smaller tents to help stallholders with logistics. Naimah showed a hidden talent for art, so Clint put her in charge of drawing up signs for the bar, music and crafts tents after they found the old ones had rotted under a leaky shed roof. 

By 2pm the first guests were starting to arrive, and Clint, Belle and Loki donned high viz jackets to check tickets and hand out wristbands. Clint seemed to know everyone by name. Belle grinned and welcomed until her cheeks ached, and she actually felt more relieved than awkward when Pepper turned up to take over, with Bruce and a dark haired woman called Maria.

“Tony’s made another giant meal,” grinned Maria, shaking her hand. “Go fill your boots, you guys look starving.”

It was a throwaway comment, but Belle couldn’t help giving Pepper a sharp look. Even so, Loki really did look starving as they walked between the marquees and food vans. She hadn’t had much of a chance to talk to him with the steady stream of arrivals, but his face was paler than usual and there was a slight tremor as he raised his hand to brush a lock of hair out of his face. He’d had one of the most physical jobs of the day and unlike Bruce, he hadn’t been getting steady meals for the last few months. She knew he’d hate her even noticing, but she couldn’t help linking her fingers in his shaking hand and squeezing gently as they walked.

Loki went to fetch food while Belle sat down next to Cogsworth, who was using a crimping iron and some heavy duty wax to form his long whiskers into rigid spines in front of a hand mirror. Lumiere was verbally abusing him, trying to make him hurry up so he could finish painting a steampunk design on the skin exposed by his costume. She was still giggling at the clownlike bickering when Naimah returned, neck cricked right back as she talked to a towering blonde man. “Belle! This is Steve, he wants me to help with the craft tent tomorrow.” 

 Belle grinned to see Naimah so lit up and shook Steve’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too. Are you also an artist?”

“Me? Oh, God, no, Naimah’s obviously just got hidden talents.”

“I’ll say she does. It’ll be good to have someone creative to help me this year. I roped Tony or Clint in before, it’s not their forte.”

“How do you know these guys? Are you related to Clint or something?” Belle guessed, based on the American accent.

Steve laughed. “Oh, no, I didn’t know Clint before Southern Lights. He’s from Utah, and I’m New Yorker - or I was a lifetime ago. I’ve been in London since I was fourteen. No, Tony’s my boyfriend, we met in uni, and I met Clint through him when he approached him to hire the field. We’ve just become more and more involved with the festival over the years.”

“Here you are, Belle.” Loki leaned round her to put bowls of stew on the table.

“Thanks, hon. Oh, Loki, this is Steve. Steve, Loki.”

“Loki Borson? Is it really you?” Steve was staring like he’d seen a ghost, and Belle stood up as Loki backed away, knocking into Cogsworth’s chair. Steve stepped forward and grabbed Loki by his shoulders, not noticing Loki’s huge eyes and the hyperventilation. “We thought you were dead, man. Your family said you’d run away, but there were all these rumours…and then Phil Coulson got stabbed, Bucky lost his arm in a car crash, and Peter’s uncle was murdered…our class was cursed, Loki, that last year was fucking awful.”

Loki pushed Steve away, teeth gritted. “I’m sorry my personal life was as much of a curse to everyone else as it was to me.”

“No, no, that’s…I didn’t mean it like that. It’s good to see you’re OK.” He was staring at Loki like a fanatic, eyes blazing, hands reaching out to him again.

“Yes, fucking splendid to see you too. Naimah, Belle, let’s go.”

“What? No, Loki, please, stay.” Steve went to grab him again, and Loki flinched away. 

“I didn’t want to be found. Just carry on thinking I’m dead, OK? Everyone’s better off that way.” 

Belle grabbed Loki’s hand, ready to run again. Naimah looked longingly at Steve, someone who understood her as a person with normal interests, possibly the first person to ever do so. But she too stood ready to go, and Belle wondered if they’d have to leave their bags behind too.

“Loki, stop! Come on, I can keep my mouth shut, I won’t tell your family I saw you. You don’t need to leave, please.”

The others were all frozen, staring from Steve to Loki. The three were nearly at the door and Belle was wondering if they’d try to grab them or leave them when Steve ran his hand through his hair and yelled “I can help Naimah.”

Loki and Belle immediately looked at the younger girl, whose eyes flared wide. “I didn’t tell him anything!” She insisted, looking at each of them, trying to convince them.

“I figured it out. Well, we all did together.” Steve gestured at Clint and Tony. “It’s not rocket science. She’s a teenager with an East African accent travelling with a couple of runaways. We guessed. You just confirmed it. But it’s OK,” Steve held out placating hands as Naimah looked even more like a rabbit about to bolt than Loki. “I’m serious. I can help you. I work for a church youth group in London. We’ve got ties with schools and housing associations and a bunch of different places. We could help you claim asylum —“

“No! No way, I can’t…” Naimah clutched Belle’s hand in panic. “My aunt was taken into an asylum centre. She’s been there three years, it’s like a prison.”

Loki already had a knife out. Belle didn’t know when he’d got hold of that, but she took the hint and reached for the door under Loki’s cover.

“OK, OK, no asylum, I promise!” Steve sounded desperate. “Naimah, I won’t hand you over to the authorities, but I can still help you.”

“Stay back, Rogers. Just leave us alone. We’re going now, we won’t bother any of you if you just let us go and don’t try to follow us.” Loki guided Belle and Naimah back through the kitchen door. He turned to lead them through the hallway and out the front door, but when he threw it open they ran straight into Bruce. The shy, gentle man took one look at the knife, roared, and threw Loki across the hallway where he slammed into the banisters.


	12. If You Could See Me Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, so this is the only chapter with a sex scene, and it's the first one I've ever written...please excuse me!

Loki woke up to complete chaos. Belle and Naimah were calling his name and stroking his face. Tony and his other guests had all come into the hallway and were yelling at once, and the suit of armour had its arms round Bruce, restraining him as he held his hands out, apologising.

“Loki! Can you hear me? Are you OK?”

Loki wasn’t too sure which question he was meant to answer first, so he sat up and groaned instead. Belle’s face turned from concerned to grim and she stood in the middle of the room and yelled “Oi! Shut it, all of you!”

The world was still swimming around him, but one thought was crystal. Belle was _magnificent_. God, he loved her.

The room went quiet, but everyone was looking at him, Belle too. He raised his eyebrow and tried to focus on any of them. Belle was blushing.

“I think,” Lumiere said in his thick accent, “that Loki does not realise he said that out loud.”

Loki felt the heat rise from his chest upwards, flaring across his face and setting his hair on fire. His treacherous eyes flickered to Belle, who was trying not to smile, and blushing furiously too. Fucking marvellous. It was bad enough she had to come to his rescue all the time, now she knew how he felt for her, she was going to run a mile. She’d probably come with him long enough to sort Naimah out, and then she’d decide to go back home, or to carry on travelling without him. He’d be alone again, in London, and he wouldn’t be able to to admit that the only reason he could even stomach the _thought_ of going back to that city was because he thought she’d be helping him leave again. He could feel his heart rate rise steadily, a rushing in his ears making his head ache in a lub-dup rhythm. He dug his nails into his shaking hands to ground himself, and Naimah moved closer, rubbing his back and looking concerned. This was unacceptable. It was bad enough that Belle had to get so worried about him, but Naimah was a 15 year old refugee - how dare he add to her load? He held his breath, forced the panic down into the core of his body, smiled at Naimah as he let his breath out slowly, and dragged his attention back to the conversation.

“We’re not trying to stop you leaving,” Tony said, his hand on a distressed Steve’s shoulder. “Steve’s just trying to help.”

“Why?” Loki’s voice sounded sleep-croaky, though he could only have been out for a couple of minutes. “Why does it matter to you so much?”

Steve ran his hand through his hair and paused, searching for the right words. “I feel like someone could have helped you years ago. Like _I_ could have done something when we were still at school.”

“What are you talking about?” Loki scoffed. 

Steve just looked more distressed. “I could see things weren’t right when we were in school, I knew you could have used a friend and I did nothing about it. I was always _going_ to see how you were doing, see if you wanted to join us for lunch, and I always let myself get distracted. And then after you disappeared, and all these details started coming out, I couldn’t help thinking if you’d had someone to talk to or a friend to run _to_ , you wouldn't have had to run _away_.”

“Not everything is about you —“

“No! No, I know, it’s selfish of me, but…God, I’ve put my foot in it again! Look, I don’t want to make things worse. Please don’t run from here too. I’ll stay away from you, I swear. I do want to help, and I think I can help Naimah, at least, but I’m not going to do anything you don't want - any of you.” Steve glanced at Belle and Naimah before turning pleading eyes back on Loki again. “Please don’t run from me as well?”

Loki glared at Steve, hating the manipulation, no matter how unintentional it was, but he nodded stiffly and stood. The sudden change made his head whirl, but he forced the response down and marched upstairs to his room. Well, Tony’s room, that he happened to be sleeping in.

 

When Bruce knocked on his door, Loki was equally relieved and disappointed it wasn’t Belle.

“I just wanted to say I’m so sorry about…downstairs, man. I was in the special forces. I just saw the knife and reacted. I’m trying to get the hyper vigilance under control but…” he rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry. How’re you feeling?”

“Fine.”

“I brought your dinner up. Belle said you hadn’t eaten yet, so I asked to bring it up so I could apologise. Left her interrogating Steve on what he thinks he can do for Naimah. She sure is…magnificent.” A sly smile curled one corner of his lips, and Loki buried his face in his hands, knees coming up to his chest. “Hey,” Bruce said, chuckling. “If it makes you feel better she seemed flattered.”

“Oh, good. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ll be working out some way of going back in time and not ruining my friendships.”

“Aww, come on, you haven’t ruined anything.”

“No? It’s not going to be all awkward now she knows how I see her? Oh, good, I’m glad you’re here to spout meaningless platitudes.”

Bruce just laughed, which irritated Loki even more. “What makes you think she doesn’t feel the same way?”

“She knows where I’ve been, she knows what a fuck-up I am, and she’s not even slightly stupid.” Loki counted off the reasons on his fingers before going back to his stew.

“We’re all fuck-ups, Loki, everyone’s got issues.”

Loki laughed this time, a harsh, bark-like sound. “I’m fucked up on a genetic level, Bruce. I’m predisposed to being a terrible person.”

“How can you be…Loki, are you talking about what your _parents_ were like?” Bruce rolled his eyes. “You do know that the genetics and inheritance of behaviour is very much still under debate, right? Even the inheritance of monoamine oxidase A doesn’t result in psychopathic phenotype unless the subject has grown up in an abusive household. Nature _and_ nurture, not one or the other.”

Loki blinked at him.

“What? I’m a biology student.”

***

Belle was starting to get suspicious. Loki had been asleep by the time she knocked on his door before bedtime, then left first thing in the morning while she was still dragging herself out of bed, and at all times that day he’d been almost exactly on the other side of the field to her. Considering he usually needed to have her and Naimah in sight as much as possible in case they had to run, this was definitely not right. She figured it was either something to do with Steve, or with unintentionally blurting out that he loved her, and for so many reasons she hoped it was the latter. But right now she just needed to know. It was all very well hearing him say he loved her, but he could have just meant it in a platonic way, and that was _fine_ , it really _was_ , but she needed to _know_. Because the longer these possibilities existed, the more it would hurt when she found out that crush that had burned itself into something deeper was unreciprocated.

So when she spotted him a few places ahead of her in the bar tent, handing over a token and listening to Clint, she took her opportunity, and grabbed him tight around his waist. “Gotcha!”

She felt him freeze completely, even stop breathing, and let go immediately. When he saw it was her he let out a hissing breath, but kept his face perfectly blank. He hadn’t looked at her like that since the hospital, and she wanted to beg forgiveness for…whatever it was. Scaring him. Grabbing him and forgetting all his history and paranoia and anxiety. Losing his trust somehow. But with Clint standing right there she couldn’t bring attention to something he perceived as weakness. Because it _would_ be a weakness to him, anything less than perfection always was. She kept the bright smile firmly on her cheeks and rubbed his arm instead. “Hey stranger, how’s the head?”

His blank mask started to relax. “Much better, thank you. Bit achey, but I‘ve had worse.”

“No concussion?”

“Not anymore,” he laughed.

“Aww, shame. I was hoping for more lovely compliments. A girl could get a swelled head like that.”

Loki immediately hid his face in both hands and groaned as Clint laughed, patting him on the shoulder. Belle laughed too and hugged him until he returned the gesture. “Come on, let’s see if tonight’s meal can be a little less dramatic, huh?” The boys picked their plastic drinks cups up and followed her out of the tent towards Tony’s.

“I’m sorry, Belle.”

“What for, honey?”

“Embarrassing you in front of everyone.”

“Aww, don’t be. You made me blush…but in the best way. It’s a nice thing for me to hear _you_ say about me.” They were nearly back at Tony’s house now, and Belle chanced to flicker her eyes up to his face. He was staring at her open mouthed, and as soon as their eyes met he looked away and rubbed the back of his head.

“Umm,” he cleared his throat, his cheeks turning pink. “I…I’ll get us some food, shall I?”

 

They ate bacon sandwiches in a bubble of quiet, surrounded by the others’ chatter. It would have been awkward if it weren't for the looks they were sharing which crackled with static. He nearly opened his mouth to talk several times, but always clenched his fist and jaw before turning back to his food. A delicious anxiety was curling around Belle’s legs and stomach, wondering if this was some kind of rejection. The pragmatic, confident majority of her wondered if she’d been clear enough.

“Hey, you two!” Tony’s yell startled them. “Some guy from the Burning Man festival is playing in the music tent, come dance like idiots.”

Belle grinned and grabbed Loki’s hand to pull him up. “C’mon, I’ve never seen you dance.”

A tiny smile appeared at the corners of his lips, and she pulled his arm over her shoulder as they followed the others to the striped red and yellow marquee. A heavy bass beat was already vibrating the ground, and the tent was filing up with sunburnt stoners. Their big group still made a significant change to the audience, especially as all of them dove straight onto the dance floor, throwing heads and limbs about. The strobe light made a series of contorted tableaux and the fog machine puffed clouds of white around their ankles. Belle pulled Loki into the middle and guided his hands to her hips, tipping her head back in a sensory ecstasy of sound and vibration and heat. They laughed together, spun and moved with the beat, and Belle’s euphoria rose with every light brush of his fingers over the back of her arms. She danced facing him, her hands on his shoulders or curling into the hair at the back of his neck, he spun her like a rockabilly dancer, and when he pulled her closer she turned so her body fitted against his from thighs to chest. 

They were sweating and breathless, eyes shining with freedom, when the first set finished. Clint bounced on stage, shirtless, to pant out an apologetic reminder about sound regulations and having to close the tent by 10pm, so they booed him, and cheered the DJ one last time. Belle gasped as Clint turned. “Holy shit, look at his back!” He had two arching rows of piercings running down either side of his spine, and a deep purple ribbon was laced through them to look like a corset.

“That’s kinda disturbing,” said Loki, still breathing a bit deeper from the dancing.

“Also kinda hot.”

“You have weird tastes, Belle.”

She smacked his chest, playfully. “What does that say about you, then?”

He wasn’t smiling when she turned to face him. “I rest my case.” He sounded worried, looking at her hard, like he was trying to find evidence of some kind of trick. Belle put her hands on either side of his face and paused for a moment while she searched for the perfect words.

“I’ve thought you were beautiful, strong, stubborn and brave since the first day I met you. Everything you’ve said and done since then has just reinforced that.”

“Belle, I’m broken.”

“Maybe so, but you’re still surviving, and where there’s life, there’s hope.” She frowned at him biting his lip. She had to frown, or she’d have melted, because it was one of his cutest mannerisms. She slipped her hands down his chest, a thrill running through her veins when he didn’t move away from her touch, and took his hands. “There’s a tree in Hiroshima that survived the A bomb, you know. It’s scarred, it’s experienced terrible things, but it carried on growing. It still collects sunlight, shelters creatures, and gives out oxygen.”

“I’m not a tree, Belle, and most of the terrible things in my past were my own fault.” He shook his head. “I’m toxic, I really am. You should _run_ , Belle. I’m too selfish to run from you.”

“Mmm, yes, so you said, months ago. You thought I should run then, thought you’d hurt me then. Instead you taught me how to survive, and rescued me and Naimah.”

“But I —“

“Loki, stop. We’re human. We all have the capacity to hurt one another. We can’t shy away from each other just in case we get hurt, or we’ll miss out on all the awesome possibilities. Maybe you will hurt me in the future. Maybe I’ll hurt you. But let’s cross that bridge when we come to it, OK? Because maybe all the good times we have between now and then will make up for it.”

Loki sighed and rested his forehead against hers. “I don’t know why you say I’m the stubborn one.”

“Takes one to know one,” Belle grinned, kissing him on the nose. “C’mon, let’s get out of this dark marquee.”

 

They walked to the bonfire in the middle of the field, watching sparks float straight up into the still night until they blended into the starry background. A group of guests and marshals were scattered around the fire, sitting on hay bales and playing music. A couple had guitars and were jamming together, playing songs by Bob Dylan and Queen, or more recent popular tunes, all things that everyone could join in singing, while a few danced round the fire. People were passing a joint round, and Belle pulled Loki away from temptation to dance. He never even drank coffee, just in case the stimulants pulled him back under and roared for more.

In the flickering orange light they moved together, slower than they had in the tent, their arms raised to the night or touching each other. A little smile flickered on Loki’s cheeks and Belle felt a warmth coil in her belly as she felt his fingers light on her waist to hold her hand as she spun. A girl took a guitar from her friend and started playing Wild Things, by Alessia Cara, and Loki’s smile grew as they kicked their heels up in the dust, his inhibitions lost to the joy of the music and movement. Belle thought he looked like some ancient god, shadows and light dancing on his pale skin, strands of black hair thrown across his face like tribal markings. As he moved to rest his hands on her hips, moving them to the beat with his own, she slid her hands up his chest, leaned in and kissed him. He gasped once, a quiet thing, then leaned down and kissed her back, fingers tightening on her and fanning the warmth in her stomach into flames.

 

They lasted a few more songs by the bonfire, their bodies moving closer until they were always touching. Then they slipped away like so many others, waving goodnight to the few that remained almost falling asleep on the bales. Belle and Loki crept up the dark staircase, jumping when Jarvis the suit of armour welcomed them back just above a whisper. Belle held Loki’s hand and pulled him into her room, her fingers scrunching into his shirt as she pushed the door shut and kissed him again. The fire had spread to the rest of her body and she tingled everywhere he touched her. She slipped her hands under his shirt to feel his long muscles move, and the gasp he made sent spasms up and down her spine. She started tugging his shirt off and arched her back when he did the same to her. He touched her breasts reverentially, hesitantly, like she might still slap him away, so she pushed closer to his touch. She pulled his trousers and pants down and pushed him to sit on the bed, kneeling between his legs and kissing him on the chest, downwards, along his stomach…

“Belle. Belle! I’m…” she stopped suddenly and looked at him, surprised out of her frenzy. “You don’t have to…” He looked almost scared, his fingers twisting the sheets, his eyes wide and flickering away from hers in shame. The understanding came to her in a cold rush as she saw his fear, the scars on his body, the cigarette burns…everywhere.

“Loki, have you ever —“

“Of course I have, you know what I was,” he snapped, fingers starting to twitch now.

“But has anyone ever tried to give you pleasure?”

He didn’t answer, and Belle started gently stroking his legs, kissing his chest slowly, not avoiding his scars, but not focusing on them. They were just a part of him.

“I won’t ever do anything you don’t want me to, Loki,” she said between kisses. “But I would like to make you feel the pleasure you deserve. I want you to feel me worship you. And when you make those noises…” she smiled up at him as she kissed the tip of his cock and he lifted his head back with a gasp. “Yes, those noises, it makes lines of fire streak through me. It feels so good to know I can make you feel that way.” She linked her hands with his. “I’ll stop any time you want me to. I swear.” She kissed him on the lips, the jaw, the neck. “May I?”

His eyelashes fluttered over dilated pupils and he stared at her for a moment, stroking her cheek. At last he nodded, and she kissed him again, her tongue caressing his bottom lip, sliding into his mouth. She left one hand linked with his while the other drifted down his ribs and rested in the hollow of his hip. She followed with her lips, slower, kissing his collarbone, and running her tongue around his nipples. His fingers twitched around hers, and she spent a little longer on his chest, drawing more gasps, and now quiet moans, and she could feel his cock twitching against her breasts. She licked a trail down his stomach while her hand stroked up and down his thigh and behind his knee. She kissed the join between his legs and hips, inching towards that smooth, long shaft, and when she finally held it still and licked a line up the vein from bottom to top, Loki threw back his head and cried out wordlessly. She closed her lips around the head of his cock and ran her tongue all the way around him, feeling him quiver under her. Every twitch, every tremor, ran straight between her legs and she could feel herself aching, growing wet just with the thought of how she was making him feel. She slid her mouth down on him, steadily down so her nose pressed agains his dark curls, holding her breath as his length pressed down her throat, then rose again to run her tongue right around him, tasting precome as she licked into his slit.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her up to kiss him once more, his body still trembling as his fists clenched into her hair. She straddled his knees and pulled back to look at him, concerned, but he shook his head. “I…I don’t want it to end…just yet.”

“It doesn't have to be the last time,” she grinned.

Still, he shook his head. “I want you…if…if that’s…”

“Yeah,” she nodded, taking his hand and pressing his fingers into herself. “I want you too, see.” Now it was her turn to gasp as his long fingers swirled insider her, sliding in and out. Her eyes flickered back in her head and she rested her weight on his thighs, kissing his neck and chin. “Do you have a condom?”

He laughed and nodded. “Clint thought he was being funny.” She whined as he slipped his fingers out of her to pull the side table open to show a drawer full of silver packages.

“Joke’s on him if we make a good dent in them, isn’t it?”

He snorted and pulled one out. She took it from him and ripped it open with her teeth, then held him with one hand, taking the opportunity to rub the smooth skin with her thumb so she could watch him bite his lip before she slipped the condom onto him. She lay back against his pillows and held her hand out to him. “You’re in charge,” she said, looking into his wide, green eyes. “Whatever you want, whatever speed. If I don’t like something, or I want something, I’ll say, but right now, I want you to find out how good this can feel.”

He was kneeling above her, his body held up by his elbows, and he leaned down to kiss her like what she was saying was some sort of precious gift, like it wasn’t the normal way for people to have sex. His cock pressed against her slit, not quite in the right place, and she gently lined him up. When he pushed into her she moaned with the ecstasy of being joined with him, of having him fill her. He had his face pressed into her neck, one hand clenched around her hip, and for a moment he just stayed like that while her body stretched around him, feeling every inch of him as she ran her fingernails up and down his spine. When he started moving, her head fell back and she bent her knees to slide her feet up his perfect, tight ass. She arched her back, and felt his cock grind right onto her clit, sending fireworks up behind her eyelids again and again. He was starting to whimper and she pulled his face up to rest his head on hers. “Belle…oh, God, Belle, I’ve never felt like this.” 

He wrapped his arm around her back, pulling her up, and the changed angle made a fierce tingling appear in her heels, and rise up her calves. “Loki, keep doing that, please, oh my God…” her orgasm hit and she felt her muscles spasm around him, and under the white hot waves of pleasure she knew he could feel her walls clutching at him, encouraging him, but his eyes were wide with something a little like fear.

“Loki,” she gasped, cupping his cheeks and staring into his eyes as her body shivered under him. “I love you so much.” And he closed his eyes, and she felt his shudders, felt him come inside her with a strangled cry, his arms both wrapped completely round her and his face tucked back into her neck. She held him back, body still clenching around him as she stretched out his orgasm as long as she could.

When he lay still, she relished his weight pressed against her, held onto him and stroked his back, combed fingers through his hair. She wanted him to stay like that forever, to sleep with him still inside her, but it can’t have been comfortable for him. When he pulled out of her, he only shifted his body to one side, lying curled to face her, their fingers tangled together. “I love you, too,” he whispered, and closed his eyes, moving his head so his nose rubbed against hers. She slipped an arm under his head, and she fell asleep with him in her arms.


	13. On the Road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is trigger-y for past non-con and child abuse.
> 
> NaNoWriMo celebration chapter - I've just finished 70,000 words this month so there miiiight be a new fic coming (because I don't have enough WIPs on here...) So here you go! I hope you enjoy it!

Loki woke up tucked under Belle’s arm, like he had done many times before. But everything else was different, and a delightful tingle ran up his spine when he thought of everything they’d done together last night. He wrapped his arm over her waist and wondered what he’d ever done to deserve her. He couldn’t think of anything, and it scared him. What if he could never do anything to deserve her? Would she be taken away? Because he couldn’t think of a single thing he could ever do to be worthy of her.

The whole day, while they worked in different areas, she would surprise him by running halfway across the field for a kiss before running back to her task, and the joy that stabbed through his lungs every time left him breathless. He prayed again and again that the world would let him sleep that little bit longer, keep dreaming that this crazy force of nature he’d admired since he met her actually wanted _him_ , and wasn’t ashamed of it. She’d kissed him in front of Clint, Maria and Bruce, and each of them had grinned and patted him on shoulder. It was like having _friends_. Loki wondered if this is how Thor felt all the time. No wonder he always had such a ridiculous grin. No wonder he never felt unsure of himself.

Dinner that Sunday night was a barbecue, celebrating the end of another successful show. Lumiere and Cogsworth were hurling flaming staves around, across their shoulders and spinning them in the air so the paraffin flared. They were teaching Loki a few tricks after they found he had some natural talent for it. Belle and Naimah were giggling over the poi. They seemed to get the strings tangled no matter how long Pepper spent teaching them. Maria was juggling while Clint threw gravel at her with supernatural accuracy, knocking a ball out of the careful arc with every attempt. Tony was turning meat on the barbecue while Steve kissed his neck and hugged him from behind. The guests had all left, the field was clear, and the late evening sun was turning the clouds pink. Loki stood his staff on end, closed his eyes, and wished they could stay here, trapped in a safe little pocket of time rather than braving his hated past and London.

“Clint, do you know what time the first London train leaves Poole tomorrow?”

The smaller man dropped his handful of gravel and crinkled his forehead. “Not sure. Maybe Tony knows. I don’t live around here.” He pulled Loki over to the barbecue. “Hey, Tone, do you know when the first London train leaves tomorrow?”

“Clint, I’m a billionaire, why would I know?”

Steve gave Loki the side-eye. “I’m heading back tomorrow morning, I can give you a lift if you like?” He spoke hesitantly, waiting for Loki to yell at him again.

“That would be great!” yelled Naimah from just behind Loki, making him jump and glare at the teenager. “Oh, come on, Loki, it’ll take us forever on the train, and that’s just assuming we don’t get caught and thrown off. Please say yes?”

Steve was still looking at him with puppy dog eyes. “I know you don’t want to accept anything from me —“

Loki shook his head. “It’s not that.” But he couldn’t explain what _it_ was, exactly. Anxiety was beginning to creep through him, telling him to get over himself and accept, telling him to stop being so fickle and refuse, and he just wanted everyone to FUCK OFF and leave him alone, stop making everything so complicated…

Belle grabbed his arm and he realised he’d been flicking his fingers only when she stilled them with her own hand. “We will take you up on that, Steve, thank you, it’s really kind of you.” Loki and Naimah stared at her. “Oh, come on, you guys both know I’m the boss. Loki’s just the brains.”

He laughed, feeling the tension drain now he didn’t have to make a decision. “Sometimes I don’t even think I’m that.” He frowned at himself, sorting through his reactions as Belle and Naimah bantered about the younger girl’s role in their group, while the others laughed and started their own discussion about what each of them brought to the table. Loki had been a loner since high school, not usually by choice, but he’d compensated by becoming a control freak. He didn’t have anyone, apart from…but that was over. He didn’t have anyone after he ran away, so he made sure he never needed anyone. He’d thought that was healthy, until Belle’s tendency to take charge made him realise how much he’d actually hated making decisions. He didn’t have to be the tough guy, if only around one person, and it was liberating.

 

The closer they got to London, the twitchier Loki became. Naimah was in the front seat chatting to Steve, and Loki was relieved again that Belle had taken charge and accepted the lift. Belle had explained the plan to Steve early in the drive, and rather than stressing out about the illegal activities he was facilitating, he offered Naimah a place to stay, a job, and tuition for her GCSEs. They planned to age her up to eighteen so she didn’t get flagged up by social services or put into social care, and Steve insisted she stay with someone who knew her true age and could give her stability and an education. Loki thought Naimah might fall on her knees and worship him. When they were waiting for the girls outside the loos at the services, Loki pulled Steve to one side. “Thank you, Steve. I’ve been a dick to you, and you’ve been nothing but kind. Belle and I, we’ve been worried about Naimah, we know we can’t give her what she wants but we haven’t wanted to leave her with anyone that would take advantage, either.”

Steve put his hand on Loki’s shoulder and smiled. “I’ll keep her safe, Loki, I swear. I won’t forget she’s still a kid, either - I know all fifteen year olds want to be grown up, but I’m planning on being that annoying big brother who scares they boys off and makes her do her homework.”

“I think with what she’s lived through so far that’s exactly what she wants _and_ needs.”

 

And now he no longer had to worry about Naimah’s future, there was nothing to hold back his own past.

Belle rubbed his arm. “You OK, honey?”

He turned to her and pasted a smile on his face. “Fine, and you?”

Belle just raised her most skeptical eyebrow. Loki sighed and rested his head on her shoulder. “Oh, OK, I’m stressed out.”

“What’s stressing you out, Loki?”

He wanted to answer, but he didn’t know what to say. Where to start. What was stressing him out the most? Belle put her arm round him and pulled him closer. “Is it because you’ll be seeing Natasha again?”

“Not really. Natasha’s fierce as hell, but we never had any problems. It’s more that whole environment. All the things I ran from are in that same part of London, and I never intended to go anywhere near that place again.”

“You mean your family home?”

Loki grimaced. “Not just my family. My…” he couldn’t find the words to describe what those people were to him.

Belle sat up and leaned back so she could see his face. “Your abusers? Were they all in the same place?” He nodded, looking away. “And those guys you worked for as well, the dealers? Jesus, Loki, even after you ran away were you still near those sick bastards that took your childhood away?”

Loki had to open and shut his mouth a few times before he could get the words past the lump in his throat. “They were the same people.”

“What?”

Loki shoved her hand off his shoulder, humiliation making him angry. “When I ran away, I didn’t get very far, OK? I didn’t have anywhere to go. I tried living on the streets but I was too weak. When Thanos found me after two weeks and offered me a place to stay in exchange for…the usual…I agreed.”

“Oh, God, Loki.”

“DON’T…don’t touch me.” Loki’s voice dropped to a whisper. “You shouldn’t touch me. I’m disgusting, I’m weak, I went back into that place with my eyes open just because it was familiar and I was a bit hungry.”

“You were what, seventeen?”

Loki snorted. “Yeah, too old for most of the clients. That’s why they got me dealing after a couple of months.” He twitched as Belle tried to hold his hand. “Why won’t you listen when I tell you I’m no good?”

“Because you’re wrong.”  

Loki jumped as Steve pulled the handbrake on, and realised he’d pulled into a service station. “Uh, I thought you guys might want some privacy.” His neck and ears were bright red, and Loki blushed too, to realise he and Naimah had witnessed yet another breakdown. Steve smiled briefly at him, looped a protective arm around Naimah’s hunched shoulders and led her into the services. Loki and Belle stayed sitting in the back seat, Belle angled towards him and Loki huddled into himself and staring out of the window.

“Loki —“

“Jesus, Belle, why won’t you just run? What is _wrong_ with you that you can’t listen? Have you no sense of self-preservation? I’ve told you again and again, I’m poison, I hurt everyone I’ve ever cared about and it’s only a matter of time before I hurt you too. Why won’t you just leave me the fuck alone?” Loki was shouting, almost screaming, hunched over like a gargoyle. “Just leave me alone!”

Belle had her arms crossed, her mouth set in a line. The weak, selfish part of him wanted to wail and hold imploring arms out to her, to beg her not to look at him like that, not her of all people. But the only fragment of sense held out against the selfishness and thought _good. She’ll leave and be safe from me now._

“Are you done now?” Belle asked, her fingers tapping against her other arm.

“Are you going to fuck off and leave me now?”

“No.”

“What? Belle, why? What can I say to make you see?”

“Loki, stop with your push-push-pushing. You think you’re saving me from being hurt but it’s too late for that. It was too late for that when you begged me not to call an ambulance while you bled all over the street. If you’d disappeared out of my life back then it would have hurt, and if you leave me now or somehow manage to push me away, it’ll hurt.”

Loki closed his eyes and dropped his head into his hands. “I should never have —“

“What? You should never have been beaten and left for dead? Yeah, you’re damn right about that.” She laughed drily. “You didn’t exactly choose to fall into my life, baby, but you know what?” She linked her fingers with his. “I’m so glad you did.”

Loki looked at their hands, then up to her serious face. “I’ve brought you nothing but trouble.” His voice was meant to come out strong and persuasive but it just sounded weak. Pathetic Loki was winning again, pushing the fragment of strength back into its box.

Belle gathered him into her arms and rested her chin on his head. “No, you haven’t. You’ve brought me nothing but freedom and friendship and love. Don’t ever forget I’m the one who wanted to run. I think you’re so used to being told terrible things about yourself that you’ve decided everything’s your fault.”

“I can’t change, Belle, you can’t fix me.”

“I don’t want you to change. I’m with YOU, Loki, not the imaginary person you could be one day. I want to be with you as you are now, and if you learn to stop hating yourself one day I’ll want to be with you as you are then. And if you don’t, well, I’ll still want to be with you. I don’t want you to change, but I hope I can help you feel happy and safe every now and then.”

Loki reached up and kissed her through his tears. “You’re a fool, Belle.”

“And you like me just the way I am.” She nodded to Steve and Naimah across the parking lot, obviously trying to figure out if it was safe to come back. “Do you want a few more minutes of privacy? I think you need to tell me the whole deal so I know what we’re getting into and so you can get it all out before we get into some triggering situation.”

Loki took a deep breath. “I think Naimah should know too. And Steve. It wouldn’t be fair to push him to one side. They need to know what they’re dealing with. I need to give them a chance to run too.”

“Idiot,” Belle grinned and smacked his shoulder gently with the back of her hand. “Come on, then, if you’re sure. I’ll hold your hand.” She turned serious. “This is a really brave thing you’re doing, Loki.”

 

Steve and Naimah looked nervous when Loki and Belle slid into the booth next to them in Costa Coffee.

“How’re you feeling, Loki?” Steve asked, his blue eyes wide and so genuine Loki almost ran away there and then.

“Better,” he breathed instead. “I think I owe you both an explanation, though.”

“You don’t owe us anything,” Steve insisted, shaking his head.

“No, I do, because if we meet up with certain people from my past it could put you in danger so…” Loki trailed off, not sure where to begin. Belle squeezed his hand in encouragement and he smiled at her. “OK. When I was in high school I got caught up in this…well, they call them child grooming rings, I guess. You know, like the ones in Oxford in Rotherham recently? Me and Sigyn, a girl in our class…you knew her, right, Steve?”

Steve looked grey as he nodded, and Loki quickly carried on before he could interrupt and probably apologise for something he had no control over. 

“The guy who got me in, Thanos, he gave me drugs, and a phone, and took me out places, but after a while he started expecting me to do things in return. At first it was just for him, but after a while he got his friend involved and told me not to disrespect him in front of his business partners, and do whatever they asked. Some days I was coked out of my head so I don’t remember what happened, but other times they wanted me sober and…uh…fighting.”

“Jesus, Loki,” Steve’s voice was like a cork out a bottle, and Loki was startled to see him rubbing tears away. “No wonder you changed so much. How the fuck did your family not find out?”

Loki laughed, surprised. “I don’t know, really. I guess they thought I was just being hormonal. I had a bit of a reputation for being a liar and a drama queen. Thor noticed something was wrong, I think. He never knew what, though. Anyway, then I found out I was adopted, and my birth parents were psychopathic murderers, so that all made sense. I mean,” he amended at Belle’s tightened fingers, “it made sense at the time.”

“I’ve been trying to convince him that just because his birth parents were terrible people doesn’t mean he will be as well.”

Steve nodded. “As far as I know, psychopaths don’t care about other people, and I can tell you care about Belle and Naimah deeply.”

“Bad things have happened to you,” agreed Naimah. “It doesn’t mean you deserve them.” She shrugged when Steve turned to her. “One of the ladies in my boat up to Italy was a psychology student before the war in South Sudan. That’s what she always said to me.”

Loki smiled at her. “Well, I had a bit of a breakdown. I tried to burn my house down and kill myself, and ended up hurting Thor instead, and then I ran. I didn’t get very far. I didn’t know where to go, and I blacked out in an alleyway somewhere in Camden. I got an infection in the cuts on my arm and I was going to curl up and die in an empty shop I found with the back door all kicked in, but then one of Thanos’ guys found me. He took me back to one of the houses they used, and Thanos himself fixed me up, gave me food and water. And drugs, of course. I had to do favours for him and his friends to start with, but I didn’t fight back any more, even when I was sober. I didn’t even scream, didn’t matter what they did to me. Kinda lost my appeal, I guess. I was getting too old anyway.”

Belle started rubbing the back of his hand, and he shook himself slightly. He hadn’t realised his eyes had defocused as he remembered that time when he’d felt a breath away from death. He nudged her with his shoulder and let her wrap her arms round him, grounding him.

“Anyway,” he continued with a deep breath. “They got me dealing instead, or doing odd jobs. That’s how I met Natasha. She doesn’t work for Thanos, she just does paperwork for anyone with the money to pay, and she’s terrifying. I think even Thanos’ a bit wary of her, he knows she could destroy him.”

“Why didn’t she?” Steve’s voice was high with indignation.

“Why should she? What, for me? She would have if I paid her enough, but we weren’t friends. She didn’t owe me anything.”

“How did you get out of there?” asked Naimah.

Loki scraped his top lip with his teeth, feeling the terror rising again. “They killed Sigyn. I…I don’t even know why, maybe she tried to leave, maybe she stopped being useful, either way, they got me to help carry her down to the car. Maybe they thought it was funny making me take my best friend’s body out to be dumped, but as soon as they drove off with her in the trunk I ran. I went back to that place in Camden, I’d stashed a few bank cards and a knife there, they didn’t pick it up when they first found me. Then I got to the train station at Paddington and I just jumped on the first train I could sneak into. That’s how I ended up in Banbury,” he said to Belle. “It was three weeks of running from train to train, but somehow they caught up with me in Banbury. I think they thought they’d killed me because they chucked me off that bridge near the industrial estate, into the canal. I don’t even know how I got out of there. But that’s when I found you. Got out of the water, staggered up a slope and collapsed into Belle’s lap.”

He smiled at Belle, a false little ‘tadaah’ smile that just wanted to dust everything tender under the carpet and move on. Steve was staring at him with tears in his eyes and an honest-to-God wobbling lip. Even Belle, who knew most of this, looked like she could burst into tears at any moment.

“So stay alert, and watch out for the bad guys?” Naimah summed up cheerfully. Loki grinned at her. She got it. This was no time for misplaced sympathy.

 

Loki fell asleep on Belle’s lap in the car and woke up in London with a crick in his neck.

“Where to now, Loki?” Steve asked at the next red light. Loki checked the time on the car radio.

“Could you find a phone booth? I’ll call Natasha and ask if she can see us early.

“You’re welcome to use my phone.”

“Don’t be naive, Rogers. Natasha lives on information, and she’d trace the call. You don’t want her to have any connection to you, trust me.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

Loki rolled his eyes and sighed. “No, I’m sorry, that was rude.”

They pulled up near a phone box, and Naimah followed him out of the car. “I’ll join you. I need to stretch my legs.”

Loki nodded, but as soon as they were out of earshot he turned to the teenager. “What is it?”

“What, I can’t just want some fresh air?”

“No, this is London.”

She shrugged. “I was thinking about what you said in the services, about telling us all your issues so we’d know what to expect?” Loki nodded encouragement. “Do you think I should do the same for Steve? If he’s going to be dealing with my baggage for years, should I give him the whole story?”

“Do you want to?”

Naimah's shoulders drooped. “No. Did you see how upset he was when you were talking? I don’t want to do that to him. I feel so guilty when people get upset at my past. It bothers them more than it does me. I guess I’m just a bit heartless.”

“It’s not that. You’ve just lived through it, so it’s old news. But yeah, I know what you mean.” He sighed and draped an arm around her shoulder as they got to the phone. “You’re entitled to your baggage, and you’re entitled to your secrets, Naimah. Tell him what you want, when you want. He’s looking after him so you owe him your gratitude, but not your whole self, know what I mean?”

She nodded, and smiled, and leant her head on his shoulder while he dialled Natasha’s number from a scrap of paper.

***

“Wow.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Seriously, wow.” Belle stared up at Natasha’s three storey Kensington townhouse as they drove past. “This is not what I was expecting.”

“Me neither,” snorted Steve. “I’m a bit disturbed that it’s so close to where I live.”

“Not every wretched hive of scum and villainy looks like Mos Eisley,” Loki said dryly. “A lot more of them look like Parliament. Steve, can you take Belle to a cafe or something? Meet us by the Peter Pan statue in an hour or so. Don’t worry if we’re late, I don’t know how much Natasha’s going to need.”

“Hey, wait, I want to come with you!” Belle glared at him.

“It’s like with the phone earlier. I want to give her as little data as possible. Naimah and I have to see her, but if she never learns you and Steve exist, she never has to lie to Thanos. Half of this money is to pay her to never make the connection between Naimah and me, we can’t afford to pay for any more blind spots.”

“Are you sure you can trust this woman, Loki? We can find another way.”

“If you buy Natasha’s word you can trust it. She thrives on her reputation, if it got out that her silence couldn’t be trusted she’d lose 90% of her business overnight. And she’s the best, by miles.”

Steve sighed, and nodded. “Be safe, OK?”

Belle kissed Loki and forced herself to let go of his hand. They’d pulled over a few streets from Natasha’s house, and Loki and Naimah walked back while they drove on to Steve’s house. “Easier than trying to park in Kensington,” Steve explained.

They walked to the park with takeout coffee, neither of them able to sit still at a cafe. When they got to the statue they carried on walking and made a loop round the park rather than sitting and fidgeting on a bench.

“Where will you two go next?” asked Steve.

Belle tilted her heat. “Good question. I guess we’ve been aiming for this for so long we haven’t really talked about afterwards.” She drank from her cup for a moment. “Get out of London as soon as we can, of course.”

Steve nodded. “I can’t believe the stuff Loki’s been through. And so much of it under our noses, under the teachers’ and parents’ noses too. I can’t help thinking if I’d just —“

“Don’t do this to yourself, Steve, you were just a kid.”

“So was he. Fifteen when it all started. And Naimah, she’s fifteen now, and I can tell she’s seen some awful things. Age isn’t an excuse for not doing your best to help.”

“It kinda is, Steve. You couldn’t have known evil like that existed back then, and you couldn’t have stopped it.”

“But I did know something bad was happening. I noticed Loki changing and I remember thinking he could have used a friend. But I never got around to doing anything and look at what he’s suffered.” He threw his cup away and rubbed his face with both hands. “I’m afraid it turned into a bit of a superstition afterwards…it felt like everything went wrong and because we did nothing about it the whole rest of our class suffered, so many awful things happened after Loki went missing. My boyfriend, Bucky, he had this awful car accident and went back to the States, that was the next thing that ripped the carpet out from under us, because everyone loved Buck. It shook us like Loki’s disappearance should have, because we all _knew_ him. Loki had always been really private, I guess we had that distance from him. And then there was the rest of it. Mostly private tragedies, but just a hell of a lot of them. And Phil…God. We were sheltered rich kids, so Phil getting stabbed was completely out of left field.” He shook his head. “I never told anyone, but I felt like we were cursed because none of us helped Loki. And now I find out that poor Sigyn was going through the same stuff, and even I didn’t look her way.”

“I doubt you could have changed anything.”

“But trying would have cost me nothing, and at least I wouldn’t feel like such a heel now.”

Belle smiled and nudged him with her elbow. “You probably would. You’d have always felt there was more you could do, I think. You’re just that kind of guy. Hey! That’s them.”

She ran down the path to her two friends, face splitting into a grin as she saw Naimah vibrating with excitement.

“How did it go?”

Naimah held up a passport and a handful of paper. “Zahra Nalubega, born 25th August 1998 in High Wycombe, at your service!”

Belle hugged her and looked at her passport. It was scarily flawless.

“She’s got a history and a family tree, you’ll want to memorise it and either destroy it or make it look a bit more natural,” Loki told Steve. “Her ‘parents’ exist, but died a few years ago, no known relatives. They were Ugandan immigrants, so Nai…Zahra needs to work on her accent. Cockney will be fine. Natasha’s altered a load of documents online, made it look like she’s always been here, so she is a British adult in the eyes of the law and the government.”

Steve shook his head. “This is crazy. Good, for us. But still…” he trailed off, then looked at Zahra. “You’ll still be a kid to me, though, OK? For the next three years I’m going to be your pain in the butt big brother. No boys or parties.” He wagged a finger at her, mock seriously, and she laughed. Belle stared at the change in her face. She hadn’t realised how much stress the girl had been under until it was gone.

Steve turned back to Loki. “Can I make you guys dinner? You can stay the night as well.”

Loki shook his head. “Thank you, Steve, really, but I can’t stay here any longer. It’s not just the memories, it’s looking over my shoulder every moment…I can’t. I really appreciate everything, though. You’re a good man.” He held out his hand, but Steve pulled him in for a hug instead.

“Can I at least give you guys a lift anywhere?”

Loki laughed. “You’ve just driven us all the way from Dorset! No, thank you Steve. You and Zahra have some settling in to do.” He turned to Zahra, who still had her arms wrapped round Belle’s waist. He held his arms out and she ran into them, burying her face in his chest.

“Thank you, Loki. I’m going to miss you so much.”

“Have a wonderful life, kid. Do what you want, keep yourself safe, and be happy.” He kissed her temple and Belle heard him whisper “I’ll miss you too.”

Zahra was crying by the time Belle grabbed her for another hug, and Belle didn’t bother to stop the tears either. “I’m so proud of you, Zahra. You’re a survivor, and I bet I’ll see you leading the UN in ten years time. Love you, girl.”

Loki held her hand as she wiped tears away and waved to Steve and Zahra. They walked up the slope, leaving their young friend tucked under Steve’s arm, finally able to live the life she deserved.

“You OK?” asked Loki.

“I’m pretty damn good,” she smiled, wrapping her arm round his waist as they walked down the street towards the tube station. “Where do you want to go next?”

Of course, that was when they were grabbed and shoved into the back of a van.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> errr...sorry?


	14. Cloud of Sparrows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanos is an unmitigated bastard.
> 
> Probable triggers for a lot of things in this chapter

Belle could hear her breath coming quickly, felt the warm air settle around her face under the sack on her head, and tried to keep her wits when her whole mind wanted to panic. She felt Loki’s bare arm next to hers and moved closer, wishing her hands were free to grasp his. 

The drive was short, and soon the men were dragging her up a set of stairs, through doors, then up more stairs, carpeted this time. She was shoved into position, the hands left her upper arms, and she stood trying to gather information. Was Loki with her? Was she alone? She couldn’t even tell if she was in a room or some sort of coliseum to be fed to the lions.

When the bag was pulled from her head she had to blink against the light. She was in an ornate bedroom; thick carpet, four poster bed, oak writing desk, and burgundy velvet curtains blocking out the afternoon sunlight. The light was coming from an ostentatious chandelier.

The man in front of her - in front of _them_ , because Loki was, thankfully, still beside her - was sauntering up and down the room. His hands were clasped behind his back and he looked the two of them up and down with a smirk on his square face. Every part of him was square shaped. Thick square chest, square clipped hair, square tips to his fingers. He stroked the backs of his square fingers down Loki’s cheek. Loki stood still, eyes forward and blank, like a soldier.

“You cut your hair, Loki,” the big man pouted. “You know I liked it long. But at least you brought me a gift. A replacement for Sigyn?” He turned to Belle and held her under the chin, turning her head this way and that. “We’ll take her over to the South Bank house for Nebula to break in.”

“Not quite,” said Loki, and Belle was amazed at how casual he sounded. “HE is a gift for you, specifically.”

Belle stared at Loki, mouth dropping open. The man, Thanos, she assumed, took a step back. “He?”

Loki nodded. “I know what you like. And I knew I wouldn’t be welcomed back without the perfect gift.” He gestured to Belle with his chin. “He’s transgender, on hormones, unfortunately, but if you stop that his breasts will shrink in a few weeks. He’ll still be pretty, though. I know you like that.” He dipped his head and looked up at Thanos through his lashes with a shy smile. Belle’s head was spinning, but the calm centre of the storm snapped into action. She didn’t know what Loki was planning but it wouldn’t have a chance if she didn’t go with it.

“You lied to me…I thought you understood, you were going to help me…” 

“Shall I get him ready for you?” Loki asked, turning slightly so Thanos would untie him. But Thanos laughed. It started as a chuckle, but he soon threw his head back and yelled with mirth.

“Oh, Loki,” he said, chuckles still bubbling out between words. “You used to be so much better at lying.” He squeezed Loki’s cheeks, hard, and Belle could see the blank mask start to crumble with fear. “We have Natasha’s place bugged, you stupid boy. We know why you’re back in London. Such a pity we missed the other girl.” He shook his head sorrowfully as Loki’s eyes widened. “You should have died when they caught you in Banbury. But now you’re here, let’s make the most of the situation. Here’s what I’m going to do. You said you brought her here for me? Well, I don’t usually go for girls, but it would be terrible manners to turn down a gift. I don’t think I really need to wait a few weeks before I…unwrap it, though, do I? You can watch me do it right now.”

Belle could hear her heartbeat in her own ears, and her mind was racing through every way out she could possibly think of while Loki’s mask broke completely, leaving wide, terrified eyes and panicked begging. If she could only get her hands free they might have a chance. Thanos was huge but Belle was NOT going to take this shit without a fight.

A sharp slap made her jump and focus. Thanos had backhanded Loki, and he was blinking his eyes back into focus. “Enough of that babbling, boy,” he said, almost cheerfully. “In fact, I think we’ve had enough of your lies altogether, haven’t we?” He looked at Belle. “What was your name, dear?”

Belle considered spitting at him, or lying, or telling him to fuck off, but she knew it wouldn’t do either of them any good. “Belle,” she said flatly. If she’d been a soldier she’d have given him her rank and serial number. Then again, if she was a soldier she’d have a better chance of fighting their way out of here.

Thanos smiled at her, looking perfectly charming with no hint of torturous murdering psychopathic rapist visible. “Belle. How apt. I don’t know about you, but I think we need to silence his silver tongue.” He let go of Loki’s face and pulled a mobile out of his blazer pocket. He spoke into it, saying something in another language - Greek, Belle guessed, based on his name. When he’d done, he used a little knife from the desk to cut Belle and Loki’s hands loose. “Strip.”

The one word was sharp, like a bark, and Belle saw Loki jump. He started unzipping his hoodie, eyes fixed on the floor.

“No,” Thanos interrupted. “Strip each other.”

Loki turned to Belle, and she saw the desperation in his eyes bordering on insanity. She unzipped his hoodie and lifted her arms for him to pull her t-shirt off. “I’m sorry,” he whispered in her ear. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Belle gave him her toughest smile and a wink. The calm centre of her mind was working faster, plans rising up and dropped before moving on to the next possibility. No panic remained, just a bloody minded determination. She was starting to pull Loki’s belt off, positioning herself closer to Thanos to use it as a whip, ready to slam the buckle into his face and maybe strangle him with it, when there was a knock at the door.

“Come,” called Thanos. Two of the men who’d grabbed them came in. One carried a handful of towels while the other had a spool of thick black thread and a curved upholstery needle. Belle didn’t think they were going to be showering or mending the furniture.

The man with the towels laid them out on a bare patch of floor, then both grabbed Loki and slammed him down on his back, his head bouncing off the towels. Belle froze, all the plans obliterated in a wave of protective rage as Loki squirmed.

“Belle,” Thanos held out his hand to her, the needle threaded with a metre of black waxed cotton. “Will you do the honours?”

Belle stared at him. “What?”

“Loki’s lies. I’ve had enough of them.” He held her right hand and placed the needle in it. “You’re going to sew his mouth shut.”

The panic came back in a rush, and she stared between Thanos and Loki in horror. “NO! I can’t —“

Thanos tutted. “You’ll figure it out, I’m sure.”

“No, please —“

“Would you rather cut his tongue out?”

“Oh, God, no —“

“Belle!” Loki’s voice cut through the storm and she looked at him. He was almost as pale as the white towels under his head, but he was lying still, his arms held out to the side by the two lackeys. “Do it, Belle, he’ll just think of something worse.”

“Oh, God, Loki —“ 

“It’s fine. It’s all going to be fine, OK? Let’s just get it over with. It’s going to be fine, love.”

“You see?” said Thanos. “Nobody needs to hear so many lies.

 

Belle’s plans had given up. Her sanity had fled in the face of the horrors in front of her. The feel of Loki’s bare chest beneath her thighs, his cheek under her left hand. The resistance of his skin under that fucking needle, the blood, tears and snot dripping down his face, into his hair, ears and onto the towels. The whimpers and gasps he made every time she pierced him and pulled that stiff, waxy thread through. The lump on his upper lip that formed every time she had to push the curved point up from inside his mouth made her feel sick. She tried not to sob as she kept up a constant stream of apologies, because when her tears fell on his face, he flinched. 

When she finally reached the end and tied a knot as instructed, one of the minions held out a pair of scissors for her to trim the string. The world seemed to fall silent. Loki’s eyes widened when he saw the sharp little blades, and he looked at her. She smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY! I didn't realise how many cliffhangers I wrote when I first put this thing together...but if it makes it any better I'll update every couple of days now, and do a bit of a sprint to the finish! Also, I apologise for Loki's horrific lie at the beginning, he was desperate and just wanted to keep Belle with him a bit longer so they could plan an escape.


	15. The Power of One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belle and Loki fight back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of blood and violence this chapter!

The pain in his mouth was unbearable. The stabbing and pulling on his skin had made tears fall and his nose run even before the panic had started to overwhelm him, and it was getting hard to breathe through his dripping nose. When the man fucked up and handed Belle the scissors, Loki had just been relieved it was all over. It wasn’t until he saw Belle’s manic grin that the hope and fury swelled up through him. 

She stabbed Scissor Man in the eye, and while he screamed, she turned to the other minion and slashed his throat. Loki leaped at the first one, grabbed his head and twisted until it snapped. He was almost surprised when the man fell, silent. He’d only ever seen that in movies. He turned to Belle as she pulled the scissors out of the man’s spurting jugular. As she stood, Thanos slammed into her and that two fell to the ground. Loki nearly yelled her name, felt the stitches pull before he ran to them and kicked Thanos in the chest, in the temple. Belle squirmed out from under him and stood, hand on a knife sticking out of her side. As Loki watched, she pulled the blade out of herself and sliced through Thanos’ throat. Then, she collapsed.

Loki’s eyes widened and panic roared in his ears. It took him precious seconds to force his breath to slow before he ran to Belle’s side. She was bleeding steadily, but not spurting, her breathing sounded clear, and while she didn’t wake properly, she at least groaned when he shook her and tapped her cheek. They had to get out of there. With a task in mind, Loki was able to detach himself from the three grotesque bodies lying on the floor, Thanos on his back with eyes open and hand clawed at his throat. Loki noticed the blood had stopped flowing from all three bodies.

He snatched the cleanest of the towels off the floor, ignoring the throb of his lips when he bent down. He used the knife _don’t think about where it’s been don’t think about it_ to cut the towel into a more manageable size, and tied it round Belle’s waist, tight over her wound, and was both relieved and sorry when she moaned in pain. Thanos’ phone was on the table, and his thumb was hovering over the 9 button when he remembered his lips. His eyes squeezed shut and the panic rose briefly. He shoved it back down ruthlessly. He held the knife to his lips, started to saw at the thick string, but his hands shook and he ended up cutting himself and still not getting the damn thread loose.

He took a moment to listen at the door. It had only been a minute, and there was no sound of anyone coming to check on Thanos and his thugs, but that didn’t mean there was no-one else in the house. Sounds of violence weren’t uncommon in any of Thanos’ houses, so the shouts and scuffling probably were par for the course for anyone who worked here. He couldn’t risk escaping out the front door.

He tore the heavy curtains back, and pushed a set of french doors open onto a small balcony. The street was quiet in the dusk, and Loki raised his eyes to heaven in a silent prayer of thanks when he saw the sturdy iron railings a few feet below. If they fell climbing down, at least it wouldn’t be a full storey.

Belle was completely unresponsive when he came back to her, so he grabbed both her wrists and hauled her up into a piggy back. He tied her there with strips of bed sheet, tied her wrists and knees together with one length so she wouldn’t slip down too far, and her knees wouldn’t dangle too low. With one last glance around the gory chamber, he swung one leg, then the other, over the balcony so he was dangling over the road. Immediately they hit a snag. Belle’s feet stuck out in front of his thighs and caught on the top of the balcony railings. Now they were so exposed, every sound, every change made him flinch, expecting another bodyguard to wander in the room and see them trapped and blood-soaked, struggling to lift Belle’s knees free.

Finally both her feet were over, and Loki started lowering them down. He crouched so his knees were at 90 degrees before reaching back with one foot, trying to feel the top of the street railings. Fuck. Too far, they'd have to swing. He tried to lower the other foot gently, but the moment he slipped it off the edge, their combined weight dragged his screaming arms down with a jolt. The palms of his hands burnt as they slid down the balcony railings and slammed onto the stone at the base. He almost cried out as his wrists bent on the balcony floor, his shoulders jolted almost out of their sockets. His stitches pulled and a fresh swell of coppery blood ran through his mouth. Whimpering through his nose, he hauled his legs back, swung them once, twice, and finally they hit the street railings. One more determined swing and he had his feet on the top bar, and some of the weight off his arms. He caught his balance, turned to face the nearby lamp post, and let go of the balcony with both hands to grab for it. It probably would have worked if it had just been him. Instead, he missed, lost his balance and fell.

He managed to not land completely on Belle. He struggled to his feet, clutching his possibly broken elbow and limping. He hoped he’d twisted enough to keep Belle’s head from hitting the floor, but the jolt can’t have done her stab wound much good. His mouth was bleeding again, dripping a black trail as he struggled down the street. He didn’t know where he was going, just away, anywhere was better than this hell. Tears mixed with blood and he blinked them away furiously. How was he supposed to see while crying like a sentimental child?

He turned another corner, and stopped, eyes widening. He looked up and down the street, confirming it. That street of red brick buildings, four trees that seemed to lean in synchronicity half way down the street…and the one with the white arched entrances was his old school. Thanos hadn’t moved far. The thought made his blood boil for a moment, though it didn’t surprise him. Why would he?

On the plus side, Loki now knew where he was. On the downside, the nearest hospital was over a mile away. Everything started to catch up with him, and he leaned his head against the wall. He wondered if the ambulance service accepted text messages.

That was when the idea hit. He pulled Thanos’ phone out of his pocket, ignoring the way his injured elbow flopped when he let it go. He got Thanos’ pin the first time - his own birthday, the arrogant bastard. He’d never believed anyone would be stupid enough to try and take anything of his, and up until an hour ago, Loki would have agreed with him. He opened a new message and typed in the only phone number he’d ever memorised.

>>Thor, I’m so sorry, I need help. Belle’s hurt. We’re outside the school. Loki <<

He sent the message, then staggered across the road before lowering himself onto the pavement. He considered getting Belle off his back, but he couldn’t untie the knots with one hand, and if he cut them, he wouldn't be able to lie her down gently. And now he’d stopped running, the adrenaline was fading away, leaving only pain and exhaustion. The phone rang, and Loki couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his broth-Thor’s number. He cancelled the call, and sent another text.

>>Can’t speak. Please just come get her, I can’t get to hospital.<<

He prayed Thor wouldn’t ask too many questions. Belle didn’t have time for this, and he certainly didn’t have the energy. When Thor’s car pulled up minutes later he started crying. Not just tears, but sobs, shaking his body, blinding him and stinging his lips. He had planned to beg for help on his knees, how could Thor agree to help him otherwise after all he’d done? But before he could move, Thor’s arms were around him, gentle, strong and warm, and all his resistance broke. He could only snuffle gasps between sobs and circle his heart in the child’s sign language for sorry again and again as he rocked against Thor’s shoulder. Eventually Thor pulled back and saw the signing. His face lifted as he recognised the Makaton they’d learned as kids when Loki’s speech was delayed. Even after Loki found his tongue they continued to use the signs with each other, for secrets and war games, until they were nearly teenagers. Thor signed ‘it’s OK’, then leaned forward to hold Loki’s face gently.

“My brother, what have they done to you?”

Loki shook his head slightly and pointed to Belle, then mimed stabbing himself in the side. Thor’s eyes widened and he helped cut the straps holding her to Loki’s back.

“Get in the car, Loki, in the back. I’ll lie her on your lap so she doesn’t slide about.” He felt for a pulse and Loki waited until he saw Thor give a satisfied nod, then climbed into the Land Cruiser. He remembered teasing Thor when he first bought the Chelsea tractor years ago. Now he was just relieved he hadn’t chosen a two seater sports car. He wrapped his arm tightly round Belle’s chest and tried to ignore the stabbing pain that shot up his arm every time they turned a corner.

Thor pulled outside the A&E of St Jude’s minutes later and wasted no time carrying Belle in, roaring for help. Loki tried to keep up. He saw nurses wheeling Belle down a corridor, doctors calling instructions, and he tried to follow, but sitting down had taken his last reserves of bloody mindedness. He saw Thor turn back to him, heard him say “Brother?” as if from under water. He felt Thor’s strong arms round his waist before following Belle into unconsciousness.


	16. Started Early, Took My Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belle and Loki wake up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, this is the penultimate chapter! It's just the epilogue to go! Thank you so much for reading, you guys, you are all awesome human beings!
> 
> 22/3/17  
> Hah! I'm not the only massive geek out there - in the new Beauty and the Beast movie they've named the little town Villeneuve, which is a nod to the Mme de Villeneuve who wrote the oldest known version of the fairy story. It's literally a throwaway line by Gaston, but I was inordinately excited for having got the reference! I decided Belle's surname was Villeneuve at the start of the story, but didn't get a chance to mention it til this chapter.

Belle knew she’d missed a lot the moment she woke in a comfortable bed with a blonde, bearded giant sitting opposite her. As soon as she recognised Thor she scrambled back, though pain bloomed in her side.

  “Peace!” Thor held up both hands and rose from the chair. Belle tried to speak, but it just came out as a croak, and he handed her a plastic cup of water.

“Where’s Loki?” she asked, when she could.

“He’s got his own room next door. They cut the stitches out while he was unconscious but he hasn’t woken up yet. What the hell happened to you two?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “How did you get involved?”

“Loki sent me a text. I didn’t think he had a phone…”

Belle shrugged. “Probably stole it from one of those bastards, but I guess I was out for that part.”

“Who did this to him…to both of you?”

Belle squeezed her eyes shut, and pressed her head against the pillow. “I did.”

“What?”

She glared at Thor and clenched her fists, hating herself, and hating him for making her re-live it. “I sewed his…his lips shut. They held him down and gave me the needle and he…he said it would hurt less if it was me, said they would make it hurt and - oh God, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know what else to do —“

“Shhh, shhh, it’s OK, you’re fine. You’re both safe, I’m sorry, I won’t ask any more questions right now.” Thor held her as her body shook with sobs.

“You’re not what I expected,” she admitted when he pulled back. “Loki thinks you’re furious with him and want to drag him back home to face justice or something.”

Thor shook his head sadly. “After all this time? We just want to see he’s OK. That’s all we’ve ever wanted. We’re worried about him.” Belle shrugged and Thor brightened a bit. “But he told you about his past?”

“Yeah. He kept trying to scare me off with it.”

“He must trust you very much. Loki has always been one for keeping secrets.”

A nurse came in with a businesslike “morning,” and Thor excused himself to sit with Loki.

“So what’s the damage, nurse?” Belle asked with a cheeky grin.

“That’s matron to you,” the woman smiled back as she took Belle’s temperature. “You’ve got quite a list. The stab wound to your left side is healing well enough, but it nicked your caecum. You’re lucky you didn’t get peritonitis. We’re keeping you in for a couple of days to make sure you don’t develop septicaemia, and that’ll give the internal stitches time to heal. You’re also lucky it didn’t hit anything else - if it had been on your right it would surely have cut your liver.” Belle shivered at the thought while the matron wrote her notes before continuing. “There are multiple other cuts and bruises, including a bad graze on your left arm and knee, and a bump to that side of your head.”

 Belle put her hand up to the tender egg just above her ear. “I don’t have any idea what that’s from,” she frowned.

An orderly came round with a tray of breakfast, and the matron helped her to sit up. “I think I might love you,” sighed Belle when the man lifted the lid. 

The matron raised an eyebrow at the congealing scrambled egg she was shovelling into her mouth. “I’m guessing the malnourishment isn’t a choice, then?”

Belle shook her head. “Not anorexic, as you can see,” she mumbled, her mouth full. “Not bulimic either, promise.”

The matron made another note. “In that case, would you like me to find you a place in a shelter? Or at least refer you to a food bank?”

Belle was about to laugh and brush her off as usual. Then she thought of the last few days, Loki’s past catching up to him and the fact that he’d _contacted_ his brother. Maybe this was no longer an adventure. “I’ll talk to Loki. We’ll think about it.”

 

She was sitting up against some pillows when the door opened again and Thor ushered Loki in. It took her by surprise, and seeing him like this caught in her throat and a sob escaped. He looked awful, his lips swollen and bruised, each spot where the thread had pierced black with scabs. His whole left arm was bound in a green cast, he limped, and there were dark circles under his eyes. But the worst thing was how his shoulders slumped. He looked defeated, like he never had before, even after panic attacks and horror stories, even when she sat on his chest to stitch his lips, the fire of defiance had still been in his eyes. Now he was extinguished, and she couldn’t help glaring at Thor, who just looked confused.

“Belle,” Loki started, and she felt tears fall when she heard how quiet his voice was. “I’m so sorry —“

“Oh, God, Loki, I’M sorry - I’m the one who sewed your lips shut…” she tailed off and just reached out for him. He looked so relieved when he sat on her bed and she wrapped her arms round him, as if he really expected her to blame him for all this. He pulled back and she stroked his cheek. “How are your lips?”

“Sore,” he shrugged, mumbling slightly, “but already getting better. I’ve had piercings before.” He winked, and for a moment there was a spark behind his eyes. Belle wanted to tend that little flame, feed it, bring it back into the warm bonfire it had always been, but of course there was a knock at the door.

“Ms Villeneuve, Mr Odinson, my name is DI Fury, this is DS Coulson. Do you mind answering a few questions about your recent ordeal?”

Belle nodded, but Loki just stared at the shorter of the two men. “Phil?”

“Hey, Loki, good to see you again.”

“Steve said you were stabbed.”

DS Coulson nodded at Belle. “Looks like all the best people get stabbed.”

DI Fury turned to glare at his DS, who looked supremely unconcerned. “Is there a conflict of interest, Coulson?”

“Don’t think so, Sir. Loki and I went to school together, but I haven’t seen him since we were seventeen or so.”

Fury nodded and turned his glare back to Belle and Loki. Belle figured he just had resting bitch face and ignored it. “Can you take us through the events of yesterday, please?”

Loki looked at Belle, and she thought the dark shadows under his eyes might have deepened. “Do you want me to tell it?” she asked. He nodded, closing his eyes in relief or acceptance. “I will tell them everything, Loki. Do you really want Thor here for that?”

Thor leaned forward on his chair, but didn’t speak. Loki looked at him, sighed, and nodded once more.

“OK,” she said, but glared at Thor anyway. She knew he wasn’t a bad guy, but there must be something about his presence that was knocking all the fight out of Loki, and she was not happy about this. She linked her fingers in Loki’s as she turned back to the detectives.

“OK, so we were walking back from Kensington gardens, towards Paddington station, it was about 2pm, and a white van pulled up to the pavement.”

“Any distinguishing marks?” Coulson interrupted, and Belle and Loki both shook their heads.

“Not that I noticed, but it was pretty quick. There were two men and a driver, they pulled us in the back and put sacks over our heads, tied us up before we could react.”

“Where was this?” asked Fury. 

Belle shrugged, but Loki spoke up. “We’d just come out of Conduit Place, onto London Street. They pulled up near that parking area.” Belle had forgotten that this was Loki’s home, he knew the nicest and the dodgiest parts of London as well as she knew Banbury.

“They took us to this fancy town house,” she continued, and Loki interrupted to tell them the area, describe the street a bit more, and from that Coulson figured out the address, somewhere in Barkston Gardens.

“We were put in a big bedroom together, and Thanos sent the others —“

“Thanos?” Fury interrupted suddenly, and his glare intensified. “Do you know his last name?”

“Ouroboros,” Loki whispered, his eyes fixed on his fingers, wrapped in Belle’s.

“How do you know Mr Ouroboros?”

Loki snorted. “Judging from your reaction, I think you can guess.”

“I make a point of not relying on guesswork and assumptions,” replied Fury.

Loki didn’t answer and Belle saw his nostrils flaring. She turned to look DI Fury full in the eye. “Thanos groomed Loki as a teenager, then pimped him out to groups of his friends. When Loki ran away from home Thanos got hold of him and kept him to pimp him out and deal drugs. He escaped in February - no, January - this year. They chased him and thought they’d killed him - that’s how we met.”

Fury held her gaze, no reaction. Coulson looked at Loki with something stirring in his otherwise impassive eyes, she couldn’t figure out if it was pity or horror or just detached interest. But Thor let out a hissing breath. “Why did you never _tell_ anyone, Loki? We could have helped you.”

“No, you couldn’t,” Loki muttered.

“Of course we could!” Thor’s voice was getting louder. “How long was this going on? Is this why you suddenly changed? Has this been happening since you were thirteen? Jesus, that’s when I first noticed, around my fifteenth birthday party, that was when your pranks started turning nasty —“

“I was fifteen, Thor,” Loki snarled, his fingers tight around Belle’s. “So no, my terrible behaviour cannot all be blamed on my being drugged and raped by grown men. I’m afraid that’s just who I am. A spiteful, malicious little shit, the black sheep of the golden family, the disappointment. I guess it’s no surprise though, if we consider my true parentage.”

“Loki,” Belle said, leaning forward to stroke his arm.

“No,” he snapped, snatching his hand away. The fire was back, but she wasn’t sure she should feel as pleased as she did, considering the poison he was spitting and the fact that a couple of the wounds on his lip were beginning to bleed again. He turned back to Thor and stood up. “You want to know why I never told anyone? I was ashamed. I know that Odin and Frigga were embarrassed by me, and shocked by the things I did and said, and I didn’t want this to be just another piece of evidence that I was wrong, broken, sick. I didn’t want to give them the chance to think I was just getting what I deserve.”

He was turning away to storm out when they all heard a gasp and five sets of eyes snapped to the doorway. An elegant blonde woman stood with her hands clasped over her mouth and tears pouring down her cheeks. Behind her was a stocky, white haired man, who could have been an older clone of Thor. Loki’s face drained of colour and he stared at the couple, and the coppers stood with respectful nods.

“What is this, Piccadilly fucking Circus?” snapped Belle, and started detaching her cannula and climbing out of bed. If Loki was going to run again, she’d be ready to go too.

“Ms Villeneuve, we’re not done here. We need the full story on Thanos so we can make an arrest and —“

“He’s dead. I killed him. He stabbed me, and I used the knife to slit his throat.” She forced herself straight, but couldn’t help pressing her hand against her side and limping over to her lover. She gripped Loki’s fingers around the green cast, but he barely twitched. “The other two are dead too, the ones who held Loki down while they made me stitch his lips up.”

At this, the woman in the doorway let out a a wail and ran across the room to wrap Loki up in her arms. He tensed and started to pull away. “No!” she shouted. “No, Loki, I am not letting you go again. Oh, my sweet baby boy.” She stroked his cheek and sobbed as she wiped blood off his lips. “I am so sorry, darling. We’ve failed you.”

“Loki,” said the man in the doorway, walking closer. Loki looked terrified, and Belle didn’t blame him. Even she was intimidated. He walked right up to them, put his hand on his wife’s back. “If you had told me what they were doing to you I would have killed every single one of them.” He took Loki’s uninjured hand and kissed his son’s palm. “I should have spent my life making sure you realised that.”

Belle could feel Loki’s chest trembling under the back of her arm, and she stepped back to her bed give them space. A ragged gasp broke from Loki’s mouth, and both he and his father started crying. Odin pulled him and Frigga close, clasping Loki’s head with one hand while the other wrapped round his wife. Thor also stood and stroked Loki’s head as he shook with grief and regret.

Belle sat back on her bed and turned to face the two coppers. “So, you going to arrest me, then?”

Fury considered her, his head on one side. “There’ll be an investigation, but unless we find evidence to the contrary, it looks like a case of self-defence. I’ll refer you both to a counsellor, though.”

“And I might refer you to MI6,” quipped Coulson.

“Don’t leave town without providing us with a forwarding address, Ms Villeneuve.”

“Yeah,” she said, looking at the tightly wrapped family as the policemen took their leave, “it looks like we’ll be here for a few days.”


	17. The Mistress of Spices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue, from Tony's point of view

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow...it's all over ^_^ my first ever fan-fic (I wrote this in a notebook before joining this site, so it IS my first fan fic even though it's not the first thing I ever put on AO3), definitely my first ever multi chapter. I'm so grateful to all of you for reading and commenting and kudosing and following along - thank you!

Tony Stark opened the door to his boyfriend and pulled him close to kiss the life out of him. Steve wrapped his arms around him, practically lifting him off his feet.

“Eww, get a room, you two.”

Tony let Steve loose just enough to stick his tongue out at Zahra. “This is my room. They’re all my rooms. In fact, even your room is my room, hmm, what shall we do about that?”

“Tony!” Steve gasped and blushed. 

“What? She’s a big girl now. What are you officially now, twenty one?”

“Twenty,” she replied.

“Which means she’s not even eighteen yet,” said Steve, nudging his lover. “So behave.”

“Me? Surely you know me better, Captain America.”

“Yeah, I do, unfortunately.” Tony made a mock hurt gesture, and Steve laughed, throwing his arm round the shorter man’s shoulder. “Who else is here, then?”

They walked into the dining room to a wall of noise; multiple conversations, yelled insults, Lumiere and Cogsworth throwing plates and cutlery around, Hobbit style, to set the table, and Clint singing along tunelessly to AC/DC. 

“Hey, Steve!” yelled Pepper, dropping her hula hoops.

As people turned to greet Steve and Zahra, Tony heard the doorbell go again and left, patting Steve’s bum on the way.

“Belle, Loki, you’re on time! Wonders will never cease.”

“Hey, Tony.” Belle kissed him and dumped her bag out of the way by the stairs. Even Loki leaned down for a hug. Tony stood back, his hands on the man’s shoulders. “You look good, kid.”

“Thanks,” grinned Loki, and Tony was pleased to see his eyes crinkle in pleasure, with no masks or suspicion to veil them. He had his long black hair tied back with a leather band and his green eyes sparkled with mischief. Tony compared this Loki to the one who’d come back last year, still wary as a wild animal, and then to the haunted young runaway he’d been the first year they’d met. He turned to the most likely reason for the change, and put his hand on her back to usher them into the kitchen. Belle looked better too, but she’d always been cheerful, and never stopped being fierce, so the changes weren’t as obvious. She was a little curvier, a little softer around the eyes, and her hair had grown out into a brown cascade tied back with a cute blue ribbon.

 Zahra whooped when she saw them, and ran for a hug, so of course Clint had to copy her, the clown. The couple sat down opposite Steve, and Tony took his place next to his boyfriend. 

“How’s the cafe?” Steve asked.

“It’s doing really well,” Belle grinned. “We’re holding a community fun day at the end of August, you guys should come. All of you are welcome,” she said, looking round the table. “It’s going to be really international. We’ve got a Hungarian metal band playing a set, and a Sufi guy who lives in the neighbourhood is coming to do a talk. What else? Oh, there are some awesome hippies who are bringing a load of craft stuff and their guitars to keep the kids busy, and the Bangladeshi granny who comes in every morning to tell me about her family has offered to make enough Sag Aloo to feed the entire city.”

“Sounds awesome,” called Maria, taking her plate of chilli and rice from Clint. “It’s down near the waterfront in Poole, right? What’s it called again?”

“Runaways,” smirked Loki.

Pepper snorted and passed the yogurt. “It’s got its own library, hasn’t it?”

“Sort of - it’s just a book swap area. We get some pretty good ones from charity shops, though, not just the usual spy novels and chick lit you find everywhere.”

“You mean you’ve got books worth reading?” said Bruce in mock surprise. “You two? Never.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s not like we’re covered in literary tattoos, right? Oh, no, hold on…” Loki gave a pointed look to his girlfriend who stuck her tongue out.

“You’ve got more ink? Lemme see, lemme see.” Tony made grabby hands at her and she pulled her hoodie off, looking smug at the appreciative sounds everyone made when they saw the new detail on her lower arms.

“You’re going to have to explain the in jokes to us uneducated plebs,” yelled Clint from the other end of the table, spitting rice all over Lumiere, who slapped him. 

Belle pointed to a map above her left wrist. “That’s for Around the World in 80 Days,” she began. “This one’s the alethiometer from Northern Lights, the deathly hallows symbol from Harry Potter, the writing from the one ring from Lord of the Rings going around my wrist.” She held out the other arm. “Here’s the black cat from Kafka on the Shore, a James Bond gun, the librarian from the Discworld series and the cocktail’s from the Great Gatsby.”

Clint shook his head. “Yep, not a clue.”

“They’re beautiful,” Tony told her. “Who’s your artist? Must be a talented guy.”

Belle grinned at Steve, who was turning pink. “Oh yeah, the best.”

“Shut up, you two, I just did the designs.” Belle was shrugging her hoodie back on when Steve spoke again. “Oh, yeah, I just remembered. We saw Natasha the other day.”

Tony saw the way both Belle and Loki froze. The colour drained from Loki’s face and he scrabbled under the table to grab Belle’s hand. 

“What…what did she…shit, she said she’d never look for you…Naimah…Zahra” Loki was beginning to hyperventilate and Tony started to stand, to come round the table and try calm him down or something.

“No, no, it’s OK, Loki,” Zahra held both hands up. “She came up to us in town and asked if we could talk —”

“What does she want?” Belle’s voice was hard, and the sharp edges had come back to her eyes.

Steve was looking anxiously between them, clearly thinking his words through carefully before he said something to worsen the situation. “She said she owed you an apology and that she’s…uh…contacted all the members of Orouborous’ group the police missed. She said she hoped you would consider it sufficient reparation for her lack of security. I’m serious, that’s pretty much verbatim.” He looked at Zahra for confirmation. “Any idea what she means?”

Loki swiped his hand over his lips, and Tony noticed them shaking, even if his breathing was under control. “Yeah, I know what she means.” Belle’s cheek dimpled in a sort of half smile with no happiness behind it.

“You guys OK?” Tony asked, because what the hell had these two been through now?

Belle looked to Loki for the answer, and he breathed out hard. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I think we’re really OK. I thought we were OK before, but…yeah.” 

They were all quiet for a bit. Tony was twitching to say something to ease the atmosphere, but couldn’t figure out quite what to go with. Zahra ate a few mouthfuls, then put her spoon down. “It’ll get better, you guys. One day we’ll go for a month at a time and we’ll realise we haven’t looked over our shoulders once. Then one day it’ll be a year. We’re getting there, aren’t we?” she looked at Steve for confirmation, and he nodded into his drink. “The first week at Steve’s I couldn’t sleep. He was really awesome, he slept on a blow up bed in my room for a while, til I’d got used to having my own space, not having someone constantly watching my back.”

“And look at you now,” Steve toasted her. “Did she tell you she won a writing competition?”

Belle’s eyes lit up. “Wow, Zahra, good for you! What did you write?”

Zahra tried to hide her embarrassment in her dinner. “Just this short story about a girl who runs away from an abusive family and hides in the Cairngorms, up in Scotland. Steve took me there last year, I loved the power of the place. Anyway, bit depressing, but it was…cathartic.”

“And you get to meet that poet in September, too, what’s his name?”

“T’Challa, oh my God, I’m so excited, I’m going to make such a fool of myself.”

“His stuff is amazing!” Loki’s eyes widened.

“Geek out for us, will you?” begged Belle, hands clasped in front of her chest. Zahra laughed, and Tony smiled at Steve, feeling the pride rise. The guy he loved was such a kind man, and Tony had no idea how he ended up with his own personal hero.

Loki then raised his eyebrows at Belle and she nodded. The little silent conversation immediately piqued Tony’s curiosity. “So, uh, we’ve got our own good news.” Belle smiled encouragement at him and he looked up to take the whole table in. “We were wondering if you would help us this time next year. We’d like to get married here, if that’s OK with all of you?”

The table was silent for a split second before bursting into twice as much noise as before, whoops and claps and catcalls. Chairs fell over as everyone leaped to their feet. “Good for you two. About damn time,” yelled Clint. Cogsworth was slapping Loki on the back, and Bruce had run around the table to kiss both of them and pass judgement on the ring. Everyone was crowding around the couple, Zahra was named maid of honour and Steve stuttered when Loki asked him to be a groomsman. Belle was asking Clint if he’d get a license off the internet so he could officiate and bring them together the way he’d brought the three of them into this ridiculous, warm, chaotic family, and Tony stepped back to watch. He saw the strange collection of misfits get into each other’s personal space, push and pull and shove and thump at each other like puppies, and felt a strange paternal pride that this marvel happened in his dining room, in the cold of his loveless house that became a home when he let a circus troupe in just to annoy his ancestors. 

_Just for now, everything is perfect_ , he thought. And he stepped into the crowd to be surrounded by his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Runaways Cafe is based on a real place in Banbury called Naomi's Cafe. They had a fun day just like that, with the Hungarian metal band, the sag aloo, and the Sufi. 
> 
> Southern Lights WAS also a real thing, literally the coolest festival in the world. It was on a hill in Dorset, and the troupe used to stay in the stately home by the side of the field. Sadly the organisers couldn't keep it going. They still do circus arts, though - one of them MC'd for the flame relay in the London Olympics! 
> 
> T'Challa's very brief mention was based on a poet I like called Musa Okwonga (check him out!), who writes about immigration and feminism, and I thought Zahra would appreciate his work, but I couldn't resist bringing in another MCU character. 
> 
> And Belle's tats...yeah, one day I'll have those, because I am that kind of a geek! Thank you so much for reading!


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